


Corner of the World 38: Boiling Point

by serafina20



Series: Corner of the World [41]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Dubious Consent, Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-16
Updated: 2011-04-16
Packaged: 2017-10-18 04:42:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serafina20/pseuds/serafina20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Red Kryptonite allows Clark to reveal his feelings about the break-up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Corner of the World 38: Boiling Point

Lex Luthor wasn't a superstitious man. He didn't go to church. He didn't trust psychics. He was wary of palm readers and people who claimed to speak to the dead. He liked black cats, picked up any penny he found whether it was face up or down, and if he ever spilled salt, he just had someone wipe it up.

Okay, yes, there had been the whole debacle with Cassandra, but Clark had been so convinced ... and Lex hadn't been in his right mind anyway. He'd just had a brush with cancer and had been in need of some proof that his continued survival was the sign of something great.

Other than that, though, Lex believed that everyone forged his or her own destiny and fate favored no one.

However ... he absolutely, positively, could not make himself drive over the goddamn bridge while Clark was within twenty-feet of it. Especially not today.

Fifty feet seemed a good enough distance, so Lex pulled over and parked his car. He left his cell phone in the glove compartment and slipped his keys in his pocket. The weather was still balmy and nice, so he tossed his sports jacket in the passenger seat and walked to the bridge.

Clark looked up as he approached, turning so his body was directed at Lex. There was an unreadable expression on his face, but his eyes were dark and stormy. They made Lex's breath catch and chest tighten.

"You're here," Clark said.

"Of course." Lex closed the distance between of them slowly. "Have I ever missed an anniversary?"

Clark shook his head, smiling faintly. "No." He sighed and looked out over the river. "And this ... I've been here awhile. I was thinking that maybe I wished that I'd forgotten." His breath caught and he shook his head. "Remembering you like that ..."

Lex leaned against the railing of the bridge, running his hands over it. "We've never talked about it. Not really."

"No. I'm ... I'm not much of a talker." His smile was ironic.

"Really? I never noticed." Lex returned his smile. He turned to look out at the river, watching the sun glinting off the water. "When I hit you, and you were thinking that you forgave me ... did you really hear me?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I can't ... remember really. I know I saw how scared you were. I could ... God, you were terrified." Clark squeezed his eyes shut, body tensing.

Lex ran his hand up Clark's back and rested it on his shoulder. "It's okay, Clark; I survived."

His nod was jerky, but he relaxed ever so slightly. "I heard the brakes squealing and the tires pop and ... I felt terror even before I knew what was happening. A ^jolt^ went through me. And," he inhaled deeply. "And everything got confusing. Jumbled in my mind. I turned, saw you. I looked into your eyes and saw how scared you were, and all I could think was, 'I forgive you.' I didn't know why, but I just kept thinking it over and over, even when the car hit me."

"Maybe you heard me. Or, maybe it was just obvious how sorry I was. It took a while before I could separate your voice from mine in my head, and it took you even longer." He squeezed Clark's shoulder. "Maybe it was on some subconscious level. Like, you could hear me, but didn't really understand."

"Yeah." Clark bit his lip and took a deep breath. "I could feel you dying."

Lex exhaled hard, his stomach twisting. For a moment he wondered if he were going to be sick, and he gripped the rails of the bridge tightly, trying to steady his breath. It wasn't that he hadn't known he'd been dying; hell, in his mind, he'd been dead until Clark had breathed life back into him. And it wasn't as if Lex hadn't come to terms with it, because he had. First, over copious amounts of alcohol, then by tossing and turning, and, finally, with a new plan and outlook on life. Lex had always planned on ruling the world one day, but it wasn't until he'd died and come back that he'd really meant it.

So, yes, he'd pretty much come to terms with this particular brush with death. But to imagine someone else ^feel^ him dying. And for it to be Clark.

If Lex ever had to feel Clark slip away from him, he didn't know what he'd do.

Once he'd gotten control over his urge to show Clark the remains of his lunch, Lex took his hand. "I didn't know."

"Me neither. Not at the time. I just knew ... I knew if I didn't do something, you'd die. And I couldn't let that happen. I thought it was because I'd freak if anyone tried to die on me, but now I know it was different. Really different. I felt like I was losing something vital, only I didn't know what." He laughed and a tear slid out of his eye. "I didn't even know you. I didn't even think you looked familiar, but you were so ... Oh God, Lex, you were beautiful. Even dying, you were just ... I would have done anything to save you." Clark looked at Lex. "I think I knew. Even then, I think I knew about us."

"Me too." He smiled. "We've been bound to each other for thirteen years and, even though we'd forgotten it for a while, we still knew. Deep inside, we knew."

Clark smiled shyly, another tear edging out of his eye. "Yeah. You're right."

Lex squeezed his hand and looked back out at the water. "I have to admit, though, my thoughts on waking up were less than pure. You were thinking in a forever kind of way, and I just wanted to see if you'd still look like an angel covered in mud and thoroughly debauched."

Laughing, Clark shook his head. "You did not."

"I did too," Lex replied seriously. "I woke up, saw you, dripping wet and lovely above me, and my first impulse was to jump you. I, uh ... for a moment I thought we had been making out." He felt his ears warm and shrugged. "I've spent so much time blacking out in various situations, that it seemed like a logical conclusion to draw. I was so disoriented, I thought I'd been at a club and had a few too many." He shrugged. "And once I remembered the accident ... I still wanted to jump you, but I was too exhausted." Lex looked at Clark lovingly and brushed the back of his hand over Clark's cheek. "But I knew that we had a future. Even then. The moment I opened my eyes and saw you over me, I knew."

Clark's eyes closed and he leaned into the caress. "I knew too. Not right away. Not consciously, but I knew." He turned his head and kissed Lex's palm. "Come over for dinner," he said, pulling away. "I don't ... I need to be with you the rest of the day. It's stupid, I know, but ..."

"I need it too," Lex admitted. "I've been thinking about you all day, needing to be with you. But, um, you drive." He handed Clark the keys.

"Good idea."

Solemnly, they went to the car and climbed in. Before Clark could start the car, Lex extended his arm and pulled up his sleeve. His collar was twisted around his wrist.

Without a word, Clark unfastened it. He kissed Lex's neck gently, then fastened the collar loosely around Lex's neck so it was hidden by his shirt. Then, with a final kiss to the underside of Lex's jaw, Clark started the car and they drove home.

________________________________________

Clark had told his mother before he'd left for school that they were going to have company for dinner. Told, not asked, and the distinction was important to Clark in a strange way. You asked to have a friend over, and had it been Chloe or Lana or even Pete, he would have. But Lex was different. He'd lived in their house all summer, gotten his socks washed with Clark's, and done the dishes after meals. He wasn't a friend. He was family. And you didn't have to ask to have family over.

Luckily, Martha knew that rule. When Clark had told her, she nodded and asked if he wanted her to make anything special. His answer had been, "Lex-food," and they'd gotten chicken and dumplings, corn, and biscuits.

It wasn't that dinner was going badly, Clark reflected as he watched Lex entertain his parents with funny stories. In fact, it was going well. For the first time since he and Lex had broken up, Clark felt like his family was whole.

But Clark couldn't quite shake the feeling of melancholy that had been hanging over him all day. Or the itching just under his skin that pushed him to get to Lex. Which he hadn't. He'd been good and stayed at school. He'd been distracted, but he'd been able to wait until after school when he'd known Lex would meet him at the bridge.

It was so stupid. Feeling this way. Lex hadn't died. Something wonderful had come out of the accident, something Clark would never trade for anything, and, yet, it was so painful to think about. The image of Lex, pale and wet, lifeless, not breathing, haunted Clark. The feeling of Lex ^slipping^ away, giving up his hold on life was terrifying because while he'd come back this time, he was still going to die someday. It was a sure thing, while Clark's death ... Well. It wasn't as certain as Lex's.

He sighed, causing Lex to look at him with a questioning look on his face. Clark shook his head slightly and managed a small smile.

"How's your father?" Martha asked.

Clark stiffened. Lex, who was sitting next to him, stepped on his foot.

"Dad's fine," Lex said. He moved his foot off Clark's a moment; when he replaced it, his shoe was gone and he slid his socked foot underneath Clark's pant leg. "He's adjusting a lot better out here than he was back in Metropolis. His doctor is impressed by how well he is doing."

Martha smiled. "That's wonderful."

Lex's eyebrow quirked. "Yes, it is. His physical therapist told me that in Metropolis, he fought the therapy, but now he's a lot more cooperative. And last night at dinner he was talking about taking a more active role in the company again."

"He hasn't been, then?" Jonathan asked.

"Not really. When he first was injured, Dominic ran Luthor Corp with my help. Dad started providing more input in August, but he refused to even leave his house except for doctors until the very end of August. But now, it's like he's excited to live again." His ears turned pink when he said the last, and his toes curled against Clark's skin.

"When's he leaving?" Jonathan's voice was flat, which caused Clark to shift uncomfortably in his seat. Jonathan had always hated Lionel, but the constant reminder of it made Clark feel ill, especially since now he knew some of what had happened between his father and Lionel.

Lex took Clark's hand underneath the table, but he kept his face neutral and considering. "I'm not sure," he said evenly. "He's indicated that he wants to stay for quite a while. And I can't exactly ask him to leave; it is, after all, his home."

"It's the house he brought over," Clark said softly. "It's your home."

Lex's smile was soft. "You're right. But you don't turn away family."

Clark sighed and nodded. "Right."

Dinner finished a few minutes later. Martha had brownies fresh from the oven, still warm and gooey in the center. They both grabbed two huge pieces and headed out for the barn.

The jittery, uncomfortable feeling in Clark grew as they headed out. It was partially due to the fact that it had been a difficult day. All his teachers had actually expected him to think. Science was a joke this semester, and since this was only his first week in trig, he wasn't being called on. But history and English had been brutal; Mr. Townsend had actually had Clark stay after class to talk.

"I'm worried about you," he'd told Clark very seriously. "You seemed distracted today. Is there something you'd like to talk about?"

Clark had told him he was fine, but for a moment there, he was so angry and frustrated at having to stay at school and not be with Lex, he'd wanted to shout, "My best friend, lover, and soul mate almost died last year. Excuse me if 'Jane Eyre' seems less than important right now."

But, he'd managed to restrain himself and even offer Mr. Townsend a smile and a promise to be better tomorrow. Mr. Townsend had given him a long look, but nodded and accepted his promise.

"Dinner was great," Lex said as they climbed the stairs to the loft.

"Glad you thought so." Clark clenched his hand to keep from grabbing Lex. It wasn't just that he wanted to touch Lex; he wanted to strip Lex naked, lay him out and touch every inch of his body, just to make sure he was all right.

Somehow, Clark had a feeling that would violate the terms of the separation. A flare of anger lit in his stomach, but he quashed it down and followed Lex into his bedroom.

"Keep the light off," Lex said. He crossed to the window and opened the curtains so the moonlight flooded the room. Then he fell bonelessly to the floor, sprawling out.

Fighting back his anger and need to touch Lex, Clark sat down next to him. "How was your day?"

"Hell. I couldn't stop thinking of you."

"Gee. Thanks." Clark reached out and touched Lex's forehead.

"You know what I mean, Clark. You and the accident. I couldn't concentrate on work."

"It was the same with me."

Lex smiled and moved his head under Clark's caresses. He ate a bit of his brownie and sighed softly. "Your mother makes the best brownies." He ate another piece.

Clark rolled his eyes. "You say that about everything Mom makes."

"Food is different when it's made with love."

"Mabel's food always taste like it's made with love to me."

"Lately it's been made with vitriolic hatred because of Dad. Food doesn't taste so good anymore."

Clark smiled sympathetically and traced his fingers down the planes of Lex's face. "Sorry."

"It's my fault. I dared to hire a chef with a personality. At least the housekeeping staff is suitably bland."

"Are they living in the mansion?"

"No." Lex shook his head, arching a little as Clark caressed his neck, fingers slipping under the collar. "Not after what happened with the Palmers. Mabel hired herself an assistant so she doesn't have to deal with Dad. Her name is Lila and, yes, she's living in the mansion. Her room is next to Mabel's; I'm a little uncomfortable with it, but Mabel really needs her. Other than her and Dad's physical therapist, no one else has moved in. The staff comes earlier and leaves later than they used to, but that's fine. My rooms are off limits to everyone but Mabel and Damien after eight." He shrugged and moved closer to Clark. "And Dad is annoying, but we haven't killed each other, so I'm dealing."

Clark unbuttoned the first few buttons of Lex's shirt and ran his hand over the smooth skin underneath. "That's something. Don't know if I'd have the strength." He placed a soft kiss on Lex's collar bone.

"Of course you would."

"Maybe. I don't know. I don't trust him, Lex, and I don't like that he's so near to you."

Lex cupped Clark's cheek. "My father isn't going to hurt me. I swear."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. Whatever he's here for now, it's not to hurt me. Or you, or your father. He's... healing. And, yes, maybe spying on Lex Corp or trying to figure out how to get me back." He frowned. "I realized during the tornado Dad really has no idea how his ... maneuverings affect me. Not the deliberate things, like what he did to you; Dad's not stupid enough not to know how I feel about that. But the other stuff: sending me out here, and the tests and the way he treats me. He does it because he truly thinks it's for the best. And he thinks that I enjoy the games as much as he does. He was surprised that I didn't."

Clark shook his head. "I don't like him."

Lex's teeth shone slightly. "You don't have to. Hell, I don't even really like him. But he's my father."

Still unhappy, Clark bent down over Lex and bit his neck gently. Lex gasped and arched again, hands grasping his shoulders, but he didn't push Clark away.

When Clark was feeling more settled, he released Lex's neck, but stayed draped over him, hand exploring Lex's chest and torso. "I get my class ring tomorrow."

"That didn't take long. Do your parents know?"

"Uh, no. I kept meaning to tell them, you know? But Dad isn't going to understand, no matter how I try to explain it. I mean, he told me it was my decision, but I know what he meant." Clark sighed and rested his head on Lex's chest. "Why does he have to be that way?"

"Because he loves you, and he thinks the best way to raise you is to try and guide you to what he thinks are wise decisions. And he's right; it is something he should do. But you need to be free to make those decisions. It's your money. You worked for it, and you deserve to spend it on what you want. And you want a class ring."

"Do you think it's stupid?"

"No, I don't." His fingers threaded lightly through Clark's hair, combing through the tangled locks.

"But it's frivolous."

"Of course it is. But you deserve some frivolity in your life, don't you think?"

Clark lifted his head and smiled. "I think so." He leaned up and captured Lex's lips. Fire swept over his body, and an alien need that Clark recognized from the past. An instinct, a feeling. A drive to protect Lex and make sure he was okay.

His blood boiled and he deepened the kiss, needing to taste Lex. Consume him. Examine every inch of him and make sure he was whole. Alive.

Blackness started edging over his brain as Lex moaned and squirmed beneath him. Clark could feel his mind shut down, and fought against it. Breaking the kiss, he rested his head against Lex's, and breathed deeply. Losing himself wouldn't help the moment; Clark wanted to be present, wanted to be able to think in a language he actually understood. Hell, he just wanted to be able to think.

Lex was breathing harshly, panting against him. "Clark," he said.

Clark silenced him with another kiss, annoyed that Lex needed to break the moment with talk. It wasn't time to talk; it was time to feel.

"Wait," Lex moaned.

Frustrated that he was still talking, Clark bit Lex's neck. "Need you." His hand rucked up Lex's shirt, baring skin.

"No." Lex shook his head and tried to push Clark off him.

"Please." Teeth skirted lightly over Lex's Adam's apple, sucking the skin above the collar. Need was building in him, hot and heavy. Painful.

"Clark. Clark!" Lex pushed, trying to squirm out from underneath him. "Stop it!"

Dammit, why couldn't he just shut up? Didn't he understand. Couldn't he feel it? His body was calling to Clark, and Clark needed to answer that call.

But he was upset and angry as he pushed Clark, trying to get away. So, Clark propped himself over Lex's body and said, "Lex. I need ..."

"Get off me now." Lex' voice was low and dangerous. Angry.

Lex's anger dampened the fire roaring in Clark; it raced through the empathic bond, competing with the call Clark could still feel, pushing him away even as something else drew Clark to Lex. He felt a little dizzy from the conflict.

Lex rose and buttoned his shirt. "Look, today is a hard day for both of us. I understand that. But we can't just fall into bed with each other because we're upset."

"Lex, I need you. You don't understand. I ..."

"Clark, you don't need me. You ..."

Clark's anger broke around him in a frightening way. He leapt to his feet. "Now you know what I need and don't need? Do you think this is a game?"

"No, I ..."

"You come over here all the time and break your own rules. We're not supposed to seek each other out, and you come over at least once a week to get away from your dad."

"Okay, yes. But coming over to spend time with you when I shouldn't is not the same as having sex because you're a little unnerved at something that happened a year ago."

Oh, that was it. What the fuck ever. Barely able to contain his rage, Clark clenched both his fists and said, "Get out."

Lex blinked, obviously surprised. "What?"

"I said get out. I can't talk to you right now." He could barely talk, his throat was closed up as the need to touch Lex conflicted with the need to throw things at him.

"Excuse me?"

"Get the fuck out of my room. Go home. I do not want to talk to you right now, so just get out, okay?"

Lex took a deep breath and stepped back. "Clark," he said soothingly. "What's wrong?"

Eyes closed in annoyance, frustration, and rage, Clark forced himself to breathe. Lex wasn't leaving. He was acting like everything was normal and Clark was just a little upset. Except he wasn't; he was pissed off and Lex wasn't listening to him.

"Go home," Clark said when his voice was under control. "Leave. I need to be alone. Now. I don't want you here." He opened his eyes and leveled his gaze at Lex.

Hurt went through Lex and knifed Clark in the stomach over the empathic bond. Clark could see he wanted to protest, but something stopped him. Something like understanding and fear washed over his face and he took another step back. "All right, Clark. Maybe I should go."

He made it sound as if it were his decision to go, instead of Clark's insistence, which enraged Clark further. But he forced himself not to say anything as Lex crossed the room and started going down the steps.

"I'm sorry," Lex said suddenly, sounding like it just occurred to him. But he was obviously trying to placate Clark; he didn't actually feel sorry.

Clark snorted. "Yeah. I can tell." He pressed his hand into his chest and shook his head. "Just go."

Lex paled, nodded, and disappeared. A moment later, Clark could hear his car pulling away.

Blood still bubbling underneath his skin, Clark went to the shelf above his desk and pulled down a huge candle. He set the candle on a plate on the floor. Then, kneeling on the rug, he lit it on fire. Immediately, he blew it out and repeated the action over and over.

He'd discovered how relaxing this exercise was some weeks ago. When Clark had started it, it was only to gain more control over his heat vision. He had no problems starting and stopping it anymore, but the heat streams themselves were a little ... wild. They covered a wide range and Clark had wanted to see how precise he could make them. He'd made a target out of an inflammable substance; the center of the target could be made smaller and larger according to what he wanted. After practicing for weeks, he was almost able to make the streams small enough to fit through a very small hole without singeing the edges.

The side effect of all this was Clark found a new way to relax. There was something about the release of pressure and heat from his eyes, and the repetitive nature of the exercise that allowed Clark to separate his mind from his body and just let go. The release itself relaxed his muscles, but what he really liked was how his mind went blank. There were times--like now--when Clark really needed to be able to just think about nothing and be. To forget about all the crap that went on in his life and focus his concentration completely on something simple and uncomplicated.

Clark resurfaced about fifteen minutes later. The candle was now just a bunch of wax. He picked up the warm wax and worked it into a ball, which he added to the pile he was collecting. Then, he went to his desk and pulled out some paper.

 _Lex,_ he wrote,

 

 _I really didn't want to fight with you today. Any day, actually, but today especially. You almost died last year. I almost lost you before I knew what I could have. And what happened? We got into a huge fight, and you don't even know why._

 _You think we fought because I wanted to make love to you and got frustrated when you said no. Well, you're wrong. We fought because of one reason: you're an ass. An insensitive ass._

 _You're always saying how I respond to touch. How when I'm upset and anxious, I start to calm down when someone touches me. And so you touch me all the time. You know my parents are always putting their hands on my shoulders or giving me hugs or something when I'm upset. And it works. I need it, I know I need it, and you know I need it. That's all I was trying to do tonight: touch you. Yes, it was full body touching and kissing and holding, but that's all it was to me: touch. I needed to touch you, and you denied me._

 _It's not the same for you. You don't have the same instinct or drive or whatever that I do. We see each other at least twice a week: our Sunday date or sometime during the week when you find an excuse to come over here and see me. And it's enough for you. Yes, you still miss me. Yes, you wish we could be closer, but you're holding off until I have this big epiphany that you still seem to think I need. You love me, you want me, but you don't need to feel my skin against yours, or smell me, or taste me. Holding hands or stealing a few kisses are enough while, for me, they're just ... God, I can't even describe it. It's just like you're saying hi to me. When you touch me in greeting or when you leave, it's like you're telling me that you're there. And when you're fine and I'm fine, it's almost enough. I still would like to kiss you more deeply and taste you and make you more solid in my mind--especially since right now, I can't feel you in my mind--but I don't. And that hurts. I can live with the pain, but it's hard for me. Harder for me than you because I start to get ... distracted. Like I'm trying to remember what I forgot, only I haven't forgotten anything; my body is just afraid it's lost you._

 _  
_I can deal with it, usually, but it's a lot harder when I'm worried about you. When I think you've been threatened or hurt, I need to touch you, to smell and taste you. To make sure that you're okay with all my body. I wasn't trying to fuck you because I thought we deserved to break the rules, or for comfort or something. I needed you. I know you're not hurt. I know you're not dying, but my body, my alien senses don't believe me._   
_

_  
_Your body was calling to me. I know that you didn't know that, but it was. At least, that's what it felt like. All I wanted to do was make sure you were all right and you turned me down. You practically belittled me. And you know how I am Lex. The minute you get hurt or I perceive a threat, I flip out. I go all alien and can barely form a coherent sentence in English. Have you ever thought that maybe the reason I do that isn't because I--Clark Kent who normally thinks and acts like a human--can't handle it, but because the alien instincts I have are so strong they overwhelm my conscious mind?_   
_

_Lex, I don't know if you've noticed, but I am an alien. This means that I am different from you. I haven't figured out all the ways I'm different yet, but it's not just the obvious of speed, strength, and being able to light things on fire. I think this is one of the ways I'm different from you. I'm not trying to say that anytime I want sex I expect you to just submit, because I don't. And, if I really need to, of course I can control my urges. But there was no reason not to follow them tonight. Not really. This separation ... it's not going to work. It just isn't working, not if in trying to find out who and what I am, I have to pretend I don't need what I do. I got through an entire day of longing to touch you and make sure you were okay. Had I not seen you today, I would have been able to wait until an appropriate time to go to you. But having you there broke down my resistance. And getting turned down hurt. A lot._

 _This isn't coming out of nowhere. I've been frustrated about our relationship for a while, but I haven't said anything because you won't listen. The few times I've tried to bring it up, you steamroll over me with speeches or whatever. You're so convinced that you are right, and only you are right about what we need, that you don't listen to me anymore. You don't trust me to do what's right for us. I'm not some kid, Lex, who is only looking out for me. I want our relationship to work just as much as you do. I want to be with you, and I want to be comfortable with being an alien, and for you to know how to take care of yourself. But I want my voice to matter in all this, and you're not letting it be heard. You need to listen to me and you need to start listening soon._

 _I love you. I do. But I can't keep doing this. I can't continue to feel like I don't matter. We need to talk, and you're not going to do all the talking. It's time I had my say, too."_

 _Clark_

When he was done, Clark shoved the letter unceremoniously into an envelope and ran to Lex's house. Entering through the kitchen door, he crossed the room to the intercom and pushed the button for Lex's room.

"Lex?" he said into it, voice tight.

"Yes?" Lex sounded like he were fighting to keep his voice steady, and ^felt^ like he wanted to come down and hit Clark with something big.

"You have mail." Then, before Lex could reply, Clark left.

________________________________________

"God damn him," Lex swore as he ran down the stairs. He was shaking. Literally shaking with adrenaline. And sweating, and feeling ill.

It was ridiculous. First off, the fight had been almost forty-five minutes ago. Second, it had been a fight. No big deal, just like he was always trying to convince Clark. A fight wasn't the end of the world.

So why did it feel like it was?

Obviously, it felt like a big deal because it was. A huge deal. He and Clark had fought, and they hadn't fought for almost a month now. Everything had been going so well. Clark had been getting his smile back, and the tension had been slowly bleeding from his body. He looked as if he were sleeping nights. Overall, he seemed better. He was even talking about the ship, now, about how he slept in the storm cellar on weekends.

"I just wish I could open it," he'd even said one day at coffee.

"What do you expect to find?" Lex had asked.

"I don't know. Maybe a letter from my parents. Maybe a toy that I left in there, or clothes. Maybe some answers." A shadow had crossed his face with the last and he said softly, "The hardest part about all this is that there are no answers. I can ask all the questions I want, but there's no one who can tell me a thing."

Lex had taken his hand underneath the table and squeezed it, reminding Clark that he was there always. And it had helped.

The past few weeks had been so good. Lex had been happy, really happy. Even with Dad around messing things up, life was good.

"How will you know when to resume your relationship?" Damien had asked almost three weeks ago. And had been asking with his eyes every time Lex came home from Sunday coffee, or refused his orange juice at breakfast.

As he entered the kitchen, Lex said aloud through clenched teeth, "I don't know. I don't fucking know."

The letter was sitting on the kitchen counter. It had been stuffed into an envelope, not folded, and Lex grabbed it, feeling anger course through him, hot and hard. It was irrational anger, he knew, but he couldn't help it. You folded letters; you did not simply stuff them in envelopes.

Letter in hand, Lex went back upstairs to the entertainment room. He poured himself a Scotch, sat down, and pulled out the letter.

"Oh shit," he said when he was done.

Lex could feel the panic attack coming on, the tightening in his chest and confused thoughts that hailed its approach. He didn't know if he'd get back to his room in time. He didn't have his inhaler with him. When he'd gotten home, he'd thrown everything in his pockets onto his bed and taken a shower. It was in his room, and right now, with his chest closing the way it was, his room might as well be miles away.

Lex leapt off the couch and bolted from the room. Halfway down the hall, he fell to his knees, gasping and wheezing. He wasn't going to make it.

"No," he managed to cough out. He grabbed the wall for support and used it to pull himself to his room. He wasn't going to pass out; he wasn't going to give into this. He would make it to his room, get his inhaler, and deal with the mess he'd made.

But first things first; he had to breathe.

After what seemed like hours, Lex made it to his room. Black spots were flying at his eyes by the time he collapsed on his bed, fingers scrabbling at the inhaler.

The first puff did nothing, but by the third, his breathing began to calm and the pain diminished. He flopped on his back. Clean, healthy gasps of cool, fresh air flooded his lungs and eased the crushing in his chest.

Once he could breathe again, his mind turned back on.

He'd fucked up so badly. It was almost unforgivable. Clark wasn't human. He wasn't like Lex. He'd demonstrated that fact over and over again. It wasn't just that when he was upset, he needed contact. It was more. There was some biological imperative, some alien drive to claim and reclaim his territory when it was threatened.

Reclaim Lex. Clark's territory. Clark's mate. Clark's ... Clark's property.

And Lex had ignored that. Forgotten that. Jumped into this separation without looking, without planning for the alien instincts that they couldn't ignore because they were too pervasive in their lives to overlook them.

Clark knew what he needed. The one aspect of his life that he'd never been able to shy away from was Lex and his own needs when it came to their relationship. Yes, sometimes he couldn't ignore them; his alien nature took over, or it was so strong an instinct, that he was helpless to do anything but obey the impulse. But he never fought himself on that count; he always did what was needed to make their relationship work.

And, somehow, that had felt wrong to Lex. The thing was, right now, he couldn't remember why. Yes, there was the problem of Clark not being able to face anything about his alienness except Lex, but was denying Clark access to that part of him going to make anything else easier?

"Yes," Lex said out loud, voice hoarse. "Because, at least now, he's dealing with the ship. He called himself an alien. He wasn't able to do that before."

He'd written it, not said it. But it was a start. Still, he wasn't sharing much with Lex. He did some. He'd admitted that he needed to face this alone, but now he was saying he needed Lex. Needed to make sure Lex was all right.

Were those two things mutually exclusive? It's been almost a month and a half since they'd broken up. They'd kissed maybe fifteen times in that time apart, and then only when one of them absolutely couldn't resist. And, except for whining that he was horny or missed Lex, Clark hadn't touched him in an overt sexual way since Desiree. Holding hands, kissing his neck to put the collar on, and a few breath-stealing kisses, yes. But nothing else.

Except for tonight. The anniversary of the accident.

Clark's instincts kicked in any time there was a threat to Lex. Yes, most of the times when Lex had been hurt, they'd ended up having sex, but it almost never started out like that. Well, to the outside observer, it would appear sexual. However, Lex could feel the difference between Clark licking and biting him all over as foreplay and Clark licking and biting him all over to make sure everything was still there.

Except, he couldn't tonight. He'd been closed off and hadn't been able to read Clark's intent. His only clue would have been the restlessness in Clark's hands, and the tautness to his body. Clark had been scared, and had needed Lex to reassure him.

And Lex had pushed him away. He'd all but told Clark that it was fine to be an alien as long as it didn't inconvenience Lex in any way.

Clark would never hurt him. Not intentionally. And, if Lex had ever said no, Clark would stop. He would understand, too. He got the idea of boundaries and not pushing Lex to do anything he wasn't physically and mentally prepared for. Normally, he'd understand.

But tonight ... Clark was right. Lex could calm himself by touching Clark's cheek or hair or kissing him gently. He just needed enough to assure him that Clark was still the same, solid, strong man he'd come to love. Clark needed more. Biologically. Naturally. Instinctively, he needed more.

"Damn," Lex whispered. How could he have been so stupid? No. Not stupid. Just short sighted. How could he have done this to Clark?

With a heavy sigh, Lex climbed out of bed. He dressed and replaced his collar mechanically; it still felt odd putting it on without Clark's assistance, but Lex felt it was needed.

Once he was dressed, he grabbed his inhaler and left for the Kents'.

The house was dark when he got there. He made sure to park a ways down the driveway so as not to wake the adult Kents He didn't want to have to explain to them why he'd come back. Somehow he didn't think, "I've come so Clark can strip me naked and touch me everywhere," was going to go over very well with them.

Clark wasn't in his room, so Lex headed for the storm cellar. His foot was on the top step when Clark snorted.

"Go home, Lex."

Lex hesitated and then continued the rest of the way down. "Clark, please. We should talk."

Clark was on his sleeping bag next to the ship. There was a plate of crackers and a glass of milk, a small lantern, and a book next to him. He was sitting in the middle of the bag, leaning back against the ship, eyes dark and angry. "I don't want to talk anymore, Lex. Not tonight."

He reached the bottom of the stairs and crossed the floor. "I'm sorry, Clark. I wasn't thinking earlier. I should have ..."

"Shut up."

Clark's voice made his stomach cold. Lex stood in front of him awkwardly for a moment, trying to decide what to do. Finally, he lowered himself to his knees and placed his hands palms up at his sides. "Clark," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Clark shook his head. "Great. I'm glad. Now go home."

This was obviously going to be harder than he thought. Lex took a deep breath. "Clark, you were right. When I yelled at you earlier ... when I broke up with you, I wasn't thinking about these needs. I was so blinded by trying to get you to face what you are, I didn't think ..."

"No, you didn't think, Lex."

"Clark." Lex reached out to take Clark's hand, but Clark slapped his hand away.

"Don't touch me."

Lex froze at the anger. "Why are you so angry at me? I said I was sorry. I'm here to make things better. Why are you still acting like this?"

Clark clenched his jaw. "I am tired, Lex. I'm tired of you getting to call all the shots. You decided that we were going to break up. You chose the day and time of our weekly date. I'm tired of you being able to decide when to come over and see me, but I can't. You decide everything. Everything. I have no power, no say. You never listen to me anymore, and I'm sick of it. And you do this! You've come here, in your collar, pretending to be all submissive, and you're not. You're just coming here to give me permission to do what's natural for me. It's bullshit."

"So you're going to turn me down and deny what you just said that you need because you aren't happy with the way things have been going?"

"No. First off, I'm fine right now. Yes, I'd still like to pin you down and kiss and touch you until you're trembling and I'm satisfied, but not as much as I did an hour ago. And second, I'm turning you down because I'm sick and tired of having to do everything on your terms. I'm tired of always waiting for you to come to me." Clark closed his eyes. "And I'm really tired of listening to you say that you're doing this for my own good."

Lex sucked in a painful breath, the world wavering before him. "But I just want you to be happy with yourself."

Clark's fists clenched. "How can I be happy when all you do is toy with my emotions?"

"That's not what I'm doing."

"It's what it feels like!" Clark closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face. "I'm all screwed up right now, Lex. I want you. I need you, and I'm so empty all the time. It's like I'm walking around missing a limb or something. I hate feeling like this. I hate that you think you have the right to dictate my life like this. Either we're together or we're not. Fine. I get that. But being constantly told that us getting back together is dependent on me getting my act together is not fair to me."

"I have things to work through, too."

"It's different for you! It's different, Lex, because your stuff isn't this big, huge deal that will take away the foundations of your world if you're not careful. Jesus Christ. Whether or not Mabel wakes you up every morning, or you start taking yoga to get rid of your headaches isn't going to make you less of who you are. Me ... if I stretch my powers and use them, and someone sees or I get lost ... What if I were to see how far I could run and couldn't find my way home? Or what if I try to explore my memories and get so lost in them, I forget who I am? It could happen; you've seen me get so upset that I couldn't remember English before."

Lex forced himself to nod; he could think of at least two occasions off the top of his head, and knew it had happened other times as well. "But you came back."

"What if I can't one day?" Clark shook his head. "I've been thinking about things. Relaxing and going over what memories I have. But I have to be careful, because I don't want to lose myself." He rubbed his eyes. "Last Saturday night, something happened. I tried to tell you about it, but it was too hard. I ... I got so caught up with my memories, trying to speak the language, that my mind shut down or something. Fragmented. I couldn't talk for like three hours, and it freaked me out. What if it happened again?" He looked up. "What if I can't come back?"

Heart pounding, Lex said, "Clark. I ..."

"You didn't know. I know that. But you should have. You should have been there, with me." He touched his forehead. "I love you, Lex, but I don't understand what you want from me." Clark's eyes were dark and full of pain. "You said you want me to be happy and comfortable with who I am, and then you took part of me away."

Pain blossomed in Lex's chest. "Clark."

He shook his head. "Just go, Lex. I don't want to talk anymore. Not tonight. I'm too frustrated and angry, and I can't calm down. Having you here isn't helping. Just go home."

"We need to talk about what happened."

"Yes, we do. But not now. Go home."

Lex closed his eyes, feeling tears rising to the surface. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Clark sighed and shifted. "I love you," he said softly, leaning into Lex. "But you have to start listening to me again."

"I will, I promise, I ...

Clark covered Lex's mouth with his hand and kissed his forehead. "Go home," he whispered, resting their foreheads together. "Get some rest. I'll talk to you soon."

He sniffed and nodded. He kissed Clark's cheek and rose. With a final glance at Clark, Lex left the storm cellar. His chest ached and his eyes burned, but he managed to make it home in one piece.

________________________________________

The phone woke Lex up the next morning, startling him out of unhappy dreams. He groaned under his breath, he pulled himself across the bed and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," Clark said, sounding subdued.

Lex's heart leapt. "Hey."

"Look, about last night ..."

"Clark, it's okay. I understand."

There was a faint snort. "Good. Because we still need to deal with this."

"I know. I'm just ... I'm so sorry."

"I know you are. But it's not enough. I'm tired of these emotional games. I want things to be normal again."

"Normal meaning ..."

"Either we're together or we're not. Once and for all. I need to know where we stand. And," his voice shook, but Clark cleared his throat, "And we start communicating like we used to."

Lex's breath caught and he closed his eyes. He couldn't lose Clark. Not like this. Not over something so stupid. "I'll do whatever you want. Tell me."

"L-let's just start by talking, okay?" Lex could tell Clark was near tears now, and he ached. "But not today. I still need to think. I don't want to say the wrong thing, Lex. I d-don't."

"I know. I think it's probably better that we take a day--both of us--to think. Write down things. And then sit and really talk. Really listen."

"Okay." He heard Clark take a deep breath. "Did you want me not to get the ring? I don't want to spend your money if ..." He trailed off uncertainly.

A smile tugged the corner of Lex's lips. Some things never changed, for good or ill. "We're just fighting, Clark. I'm not ready to give you up. Not yet. Get the ring.

"Okay," Clark said after a moment, voice a bit lighter. "I will. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye, Clark. I ..." He heard a click and knew that Clark had hung up the phone. The unexpected action flooded Lex with hurt, making it hard to breathe.

He hung up and crawled under the covers, wrapping them around him tightly. He felt sick and abused and heavy. All he wanted to do was sleep and, when he woke up, for things to be normal.

Curling into a tight ball, Lex whispered, "I love you, Clark."

________________________________________

"Lex?" Chloe said softly. She touched his shoulder, causing him to jerk in surprise, then scowl up at her.

"What?" he asked in a voice that should have made her quake in fear.

Chloe didn't so much as bat an eye.

"Lana wanted me to make sure you realized that the Talon's closed. You're pretty deep into your work, and she wasn't sure if you knew."

Lex blinked and glanced around; sure enough, the Talon was empty save for Chloe, Pete, and Lana. The doors were closed and locked and, remarkably, the sun had set all without Lex noticing.

He rubbed his eyes. "Why are you still here?"

"Study session. Didn't Lana tell you?"

She had; it had been one of the first things she'd done when he'd come in two hours ago to alert him to the change of routine. Normally, Lex came in about an hour before closing. He took a seat in the corner and did paper work until an hour after the Talon closed. It gave him a chance to get out of both the office and his house, but still be productive, as well as relax a little. For whatever reason, working in a public place was never as stressful as it was working alone in his office. He might not get as much accomplished, but, physically, he felt better when he was done.

Being at the Talon was also for Lana's benefit. She had problems making the drawer come out even, sometimes, or had questions about purchasing. It was easier for Lex to be there to help Lana than for her to have to call someone.

Tonight, though, Lana didn't seem to have any questions. She looked as if she were rushing through closing procedures in order to get started with studying.

Lex looked back up at Chloe as he gathered his papers together. "So I'm being kicked out," he said, managing to infuse his voice with good humor, although not much.

"Hey, if you want to stay, you're more than welcome to." Chloe smiled, her eyes twinkling. "We're cramming for our first big exam in history, and we could use a genius."

"Is Clark coming?" Lex began gathering his papers together.

Chloe nodded. "Yeah. I don't know why he's late."

"He's Clark. It happens." Lex snapped his briefcase shut and rose. He wasn't sure if he was ready to see Clark yet. What with their fight and his father taking over his office, Lex felt as if his world was falling apart around him. He didn't think he was strong enough to face Clark right now.

"Hey." Chloe grabbed his arm and squeezed it gently. "You okay?"

Lex managed a faint smile. "I'm fine."

"Uh-huh."

He sighed. "Dad's just getting to me. He took over my office today. I should be thrilled that he finally seems to be interested in work again, but I want my office. It's my place."

"Why can't you use the office at the plant?" Chloe asked.

"It doesn't have a pool table."

She looked as if she didn't know if she should smile or not. "Really?"

Lex shrugged. "I think better when I have something to keep my hands occupied. And I like being able to take short breaks and not leave my office. I go to the plant every day to check in and let the workers know I'm there, but most of the business is run out of the mansion." He shook his head. "I'll figure something out. It isn't like there aren't other rooms I could work in."

Chloe nodded. "Very true. Did you want any coffee for the road? Lana's brewing a pot."

Lex checked his watch, then shook his head. "I'm good, thanks. Have fun studying for your test."

"Gee, thanks. See you." Chloe smiled, and then turned to join her group.

Lex left, stepping into the cool brisk air and inhaling deeply. He hadn't really been able to appreciate autumn in Smallville last year. Truthfully, he hadn't ever taken time to just appreciate the weather before in his life. It wasn't the Luthor way. But, somehow, the beauty of his surrounding had managed to penetrate him, and Lex found that, more and more often, he was willing to take a quick break and just breathe.

He was standing on the street, eyes closed, when suddenly, lips brushed against his earlobe and Clark's voice asked, "How much?"

"Fuck!" Lex exclaimed, jumping. His eyes flew open and he turned to face Clark. He'd been so wrapped up in his thoughts, he hadn't heard Clark sneak up on him.

Clark stood with his arms cross over his chest and smirk on his face. "What's the matter, baby? Something scare you?"

Lex opened and closed his mouth a couple times, then grabbed Clark by the arm and dragged him into the ally between the Talon and the pancake house.

"What are you doing?" he hissed.

"Wondering how much it would cost to buy you for the night," Clark replied calmly.

Lex blinked. "Huh?"

Clark smirked and nipped Lex underneath the ear. "You're standing on the street at night, looking fuckable, so, I figure that Lex Corp isn't doing as well as you'd like, and you're selling yourself on the street. How much?"

"Very funny, Clark. Now stop." He tried to push Clark away, but Clark merely pinned him to the wall and continued to molest him. "Clark," Lex managed in a strangled moan as Clark pulled up his shirt and began caressing his stomach and chest.

"Ever want to have sex in public, Lex?" Clark murmured as he sucked on Lex's earlobe. "Or have you already?"

Knees weak, Lex put his hand on Clark's chest. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing." He did a full body rub against Lex, pressing him hard into the wall.

"Clark," Lex moaned, fisting Clark's shirt. Clark was practically humping him now, his cock hard against Lex's hip, pushing into him rhythmically.

Lex turned his head, seeking Clark's lips. He'd moved so he was straddling Clark's thigh, rolling his hips into him, trying to get some relief from the sharp arousal that had flooded him.

Clark's eyes were dark blue as they bore into Lex's. Their lips brushed, and Lex licked along Clark's lower lip, tasting the tangy saltiness of him.

"Oh," he whispered as Clark's hand closed over his cock and massaged hard along the length. Fire raced down his limbs, his breath came harshly, and his fingers tingled.

Then, suddenly, Clark pulled away. "I have a feeling you're too rich for my blood," he said. "Unless you take credit cards?"

Supporting himself against the wall, Lex swallowed hard. "Clark. What the fuck?"

Clark smirked. "Now you know how it feels."

"Excuse me?" Lex couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're honestly going to say that practically fucking me in an alley and then leaving me hard and frustrated is anywhere close to what I accidentally did?"

Clark shrugged. "Did I overstep my bounds?"

"Are you going to finish what you started?"

"No."

"Fuck you."

"Not tonight, thanks." Clark checked his watch. "I've been thinking that you were right. Maybe we should see other people."

What the hell was going on? Was this what Clark had decided today? That he wanted to make their separation permanent and official? Or had his anger grown so great that he was lashing out?

Whatever it was, Lex wasn't going to take the bait. He cleared his throat and made his eyes go blank. "I don't want to see other people. But you can."

Clark's eyes flashed. "I'm not asking for your permission."

"I'm not giving you permission," Lex said evenly. "I was merely reminding you that I'm not interested in dating anyone else."

"Like I really give a fuck? Besides, it's sort of emotional blackmail, you constantly telling me that you know who you are and who you want. That you don't need to date anyone else. You keep assuming that we're getting back together."

Lex blinked and tried to keep his face neutral. Internally, his heart felt as if it had been smacked with a hammer. "I'm making no assumptions."

"So you don't want to be with me anymore."

"You know I do, Clark."

"Then why don't we go to your place now and reaffirm our love?" Clark bent his leg and rested it against the wall.

Lex crossed his arms over his chest. "I thought you wanted to date other people."

"And I can't have it both ways?"

That stopped Lex a moment; he didn't want to deny Clark the experience of being with a woman. But, at the same time, he wasn't thrilled with the idea of Clark doing it while he shared Lex's bed.

Clark smirked and shook his head. "I didn't think so. Look, I've got to go. Study session."

"Clark." Lex reached out and took Clark's arm. "What's going on? I know you're mad at me, but I thought we were going to talk about this tomorrow."

"Don't worry. We will. Tomorrow. Tonight, I'm going to have some fun." He kissed Lex's, holding his jaw tightly as he ravished Lex's mouth. "Later, babe." He bit Lex's lower lip hard enough to draw blood. When he pulled back, he ran his finger over it, looking satisfied at his work, and then left.

Lex watched him go dazedly, feeling unbalanced. What the hell had that been about?

________________________________________

"So, that went well," Lana said hesitantly as she cleared the table of coffee mugs.

Chloe helped her. "At least it did after Clark left. He was being totally counterproductive."

"Yeah." She bit her lower lip and started walking to the kitchen. "Maybe he already knows the material. I mean, he is pretty smart."

"Yes, he's smart, but this is AP history we're talking about. It's a lot harder and the tests are different than we're used to. You'd think he'd want to study more."

Lana shrugged. "Yeah, you would. I would."

"Me too."

They washed in silence for a few minutes. Lana hadn't gotten to finish cleaning after they'd closed and God forbid any of the other closers do the dishes. Lana was stuck with it.

Chloe seemed happy to help, which was both a good thing and awkward. Good because Lana liked the company, but bad because she needed advice and Chloe didn't like seem the person she should ask.

Unfortunately, Lana didn't have anyone else to ask.

She cleared her throat. "Uh ... can I ask you something?"

"Of course." Chloe had pulled on some gloves and was elbow deep in soapy water. Her cheeks were flushed from the steam, and Lana thought she looked beautiful.

She sighed. "I'm not ... if this bugs you, tell me, because I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything. I mean, I probably shouldn't be talking about it with you, but I don't know who else to go to and you are my best friend, so I ..."

"Is this about a girl?" Chloe interrupted.

"No. A guy."

Chloe's expression flickered slightly, but she nodded. "Okay. So, there's this guy ..."

"And I think I have feelings for him," Lana confessed, feeling warm and uncomfortable. "I mean, I've always liked him because he's a great guy, but lately ... it's different."

"Do you know how he feels about you?" Chloe rinsed a pan she'd been scrubbing and put it up to dry.

Lana shook her head, concentrating on the dishes. "No. I used to ... I used to get the feeling that he liked me. But then he started seeing someone else, and he ... well, we still talked and stuff, but it was different. But now, I don't know." She licked her lips and glance at Chloe out of the corner of her eye.

Chloe was still washing, her face attentive but relatively neutral. Lana couldn't tell what she was thinking or feeling, and it made her feel a little lost.

"Has something changed?" Chloe finally asked.

Lana shrugged. "I'm ... I'm not sure. I know that he's not exactly with anybody right now, but I don't think it's over between him and the person he was with. But, he's like flirting with me or something. All day today, totally out of the blue. And looking at me like he's never looked at me before. Like he wants something."

"How does it make you feel?"

"I don't know." Lana flushed and the mug in her hands on the drying rack. "A little scared. A little excited. Really confused." She frowned and shook her head. "He's just ... There's a part of me that thinks we'd be really good together, but ..." Lana trailed off and shook her head.

Chloe sighed and pulled off her gloves. Turning so she was facing Lana, she said, "Here's the thing, Lana. You're right: Clark is a great guy. And you two would be ... good together."

Lana flushed at having been found out so easily. "Do you think so?"

"I do. You're both good looking, smart, nice. You'd be a cute couple. But." Chloe hesitated, and took a deep breath. "He's flirting with you today. He's showing that he's still interested in you. But he is still in love with Lex. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is in love with someone else?"

Lana frowned. "But, but if he loves Lex, why is he flirting with me? He practically asked me out on a date earlier."

Chloe shrugged. "I don't know. I do know that in the past Lex has encouraged him to date women, so Clark is sure that Lex is who he really wants to be with. I mean, so that the question of whether or not Clark would be happier with a woman is cleared up. So, maybe, that's what Clark is doing. Trying to date while he and Lex are broken up. Or maybe he's angry at Lex and trying to get back at him by dating you."

Lana frowned. "I can't believe he'd use me like that."

"Oh, no." Chloe squeezed Lana's arm and shook her head. "That's not what I meant. I'm sure Clark likes you. I'm sure he wonders what it would be like to date you and be your boyfriend. He's had a crush on you for years. I'm just saying, maybe going after you now isn't as simple as Clark liking you. It's influenced by other things."

Lana nodded slowly, seeing Chloe's point. "So you think I shouldn't be with Clark."

She sighed and shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you, Lana. I honestly don't." She pulled off her gloves and set them on the sink. "You want security in a relationship. You want a partner whose attention is on you and school and that's it. Not some whose attention is divided between you and another person. You want the possibility of a future, of happily ever after. Am I right?"

Lana didn't answer, but she nodded.

"And that's fine. Except, Clark already has happily ever after. With Lex. And if he is looking to date, I get the feeling it's more to hang out with people he thinks are attractive and have a good time. Which is great and healthy and more power to him ... but not with you. And since it's possible that he's not thinking about his intentions in dating, you have to make the decision."

"What do you mean?"

Chloe shrugged. "Basically, if Clark is looking to date right now, he's not looking to date seriously. And you need to decide if you can date someone knowing that it's not going to go anywhere. Especially Clark. The two of you are good friends, and dating at cross purposes might mess that up." She hesitated a moment and twirled then ends of her hair. "Clark liked you for a really long time. I can't see him going after you for a causal relationship. Which means that he might think that he and Lex are over. He hasn't said anything to me about it, but it's possible. But, Lana? If it comes down to a decision between you and Lex, he's not going to choose you."

Tears rose unbidden to her eyes, and Lana nodded. "I know. And I wouldn't want to come between them." She wiped her eyes, but more tears came. "You must think I'm so stupid for getting a crush on Clark."

Chloe shook her head, looking sympathetic. "Trust me, Lana, I've been where you are. I'm really attracted to Clark, and usually I'm fine, but every once in a while, he'll do something, and I feel like I'm mooning over him and I'll die if he never notices me." She made a face. "Sometimes I'm like that about Lex too, only with less romantic feelings and more ... Well, anyway. I'm the same way."

"Really?"

"All the time." Chloe moved closer and wiped a tear from Lana's cheek. "Clark's a great guy. He really is, and I'd love to be with him. Any girl would; I never understand why he's not constantly besieged by girls."

"Because he's the weird kid," Lana said, more tears falling.

"What?"

"Because he was home schooled and so shy. Everyone decided back in fifth grade that Clark was weird and that sort of thing doesn't change overnight. But I think more people are noticing him, now. I overheard Theresa and Michelle talking about him while they were working today. I think Theresa has a crush on him; she always wants to get his coffee when he comes in."

Chloe wrinkled her nose. "Aren't you glad that Clark belongs to Lex? I mean, I could deal if you two got together, but no one else. He's ours."

Lana nodded and tried to smile. More tears spilled out, though. "Yeah. S-same here."

Chloe hugged her, kissing her hair. "Lana, it's okay. I don't know everything. Maybe he really does want to be with you. I don't know."

Clinging to Chloe, Lana sniffed. "I just wish I knew what I wanted."

Chloe's arms tightened around Lana, but she didn't respond. There really wasn't anything left to say.

________________________________________

Music pounded through Clark, driving his movements, making his body throb. The crush of bodies pressed into him, flesh sliding against his half-naked body that was slick with sweat that wasn't his. His head spun with the smell of cologne and sweat and alcohol. He could feel his body tingling in every limb and for the first time in months--hell, maybe ever--Clark felt alive.

When he'd first gotten to the club, he'd barely stepped inside when he had three or four offers to buy him drinks. He accepted them all with a small smirk, and had crammed into a booth with his entourage of admirers. After drinking and flirting for a while, he allowed himself to be pulled onto the dance floor, where his attention had narrowed until it was focused entirely on the two men he was dancing with now.

The man in front of him, Danny, was short and compact. His hair was dyed black, which contrasted deliciously with his creamy, pale skin. Brilliant blue-green eyes were lined with sparkly green eyeliner then topped with a thin line of black. His lips were the same shade of green as his eyeliner, only smudged to reveal the pinkness below. One arm was wound around Clark's waist, legs straddling Clark's right thigh as he practically rode Clark, body undulating with the music. Both he and Clark were shirtless, Clark's having been torn off during in the first few minutes of being on the floor, and Danny's having been disposed of once Clark had felt the pierced nipple underneath. The nipple Clark currently had between his teeth as his tongue twisted the barbell stuck through tender flesh.

Danny groaned, head falling back. His hard cock rode more persistently into Clark's thigh, one hand firmly embedded in Clark's hair, the other scratching at his neck.

Smiling wickedly, Clark bit just behind the piercing and worried it between his teeth, scraping over and over.

"Oh, God," Danny whimpered, eyes rolling back. He shuddered deliciously.

Clark released his nipple with a wet 'pop.' "Like that?"

"Mmmmm."

Fingers twisted Clark's own nipple, sliding over the sweat-slicked flesh easily as the man behind Clark tugged. "I'm feeling neglected back here," he whispered throatily as he scrapped his teeth on Clark's neck.

He smiled and backed up a step. He, Danny, and Chris--the man behind him--had been dancing for almost a half an hour now. They'd started in the middle of the floor, in the crush of things, but now Clark could see that Chris had guided the two of them to the darkest end of the club. A few more steps, and they would be behind a pillar, hidden from view.

Clark tugged Danny around him so Danny was next to Clark as he turned to face Chris.

"Sorry 'bout that," Clark said in a rough voice. He pulled Chris to him and bit his earlobe hard. "But, really, can you blame me?" he glanced at Danny, whose eyes were closed. There was an intense look of concentration on his face as he ground himself into Clark's hip, held in place by Clark's hand, which had slipped underneath the waistband of his tight pants.

Chris smiled and ran his hand through Danny's hair. "No, I can't. But I was planning on playing with you too." Chris smiled, teeth gleaming in the dimness. He tugged Clark and Danny further off the dance floor.

"Oh?"

Chris's hand rested on Clark's cock and he began massaging his length through his jeans. "Fuck, you're big. I'd like to feel this thing in my mouth."

Laughing, Clark slipped his thumb into Chris's mouth. "Just your mouth?"

Danny's hand joined Chris's momentarily, feeling and caressing as well. "I want it in a lot more places than my mouth," he groaned. He leaned forward and began sucking along Clark's chest.

Chris wound his arm around Clark's neck and brought him in for a hard kiss. Tongues battled and slid over each other sloppily until they were breathing harshly. "Our place is nearby," Chris gasped when he pulled away. His lips were bruised, eyes wild with desire. "We could do this right."

Clark leaned against the pillar, thinking. It was nearly two a.m. He still needed to go shopping, and he wanted to drop by the penthouse to pick up a few things. But he was intrigued by their offer. He'd never thought of having a threesome with all guys before.

 _Lex would freak,_ he thought, grinning at the image of him telling Lex what he'd done and Lex, hurt and confused, standing there, looking vulnerable.

But, as tempting as the image was, and as intrigued as he was, Clark didn't really want to. Not tonight; he had more important things to worry about. Like, for once in his life, having what everyone else did.

"Sorry, guys," Clark said after a moment. He kissed both Danny and Chris and then stepped away. "I'd love to stay and play, but I have to go. I live in Smallville, and have to get back before anyone notices I'm missing."

Chris's eyes darkened. "You gotta wife waiting?"

Clark grinned. "Hell, no. But I'm working on a farm right now, and if I'm not back in time to do the morning chores, I'm in trouble." He shrugged. "Fucks up my night life, but it's what I gotta do right now."

"Farm, huh?" Danny said. He moved closer to Clark, gazing up at him through heavy lids. "Is this where you get all these muscles?" His hands skimmed over Clark's chest.

Clark caught them. "Where else?" He kissed the palms of Danny's hands. "Will you guys be here tomorrow?"

"Probably." Chris pulled a pen from his pocket and took Clark's arm. "Call us," he said as he wrote a number on the back of Clark's hand. Smoky blue eyes smiled sultrily up into Clark's. "If you're here, this is definitely where we'll be. And if you want to skip the club, so much the better."

He smiled and kissed Chris again. "Can I borrow your shirt?" he whispered as his lips slid across Chris's face to his ear. "I seem to have lost mine."

Chris turned his head, kissed Clark's cheek, and pulled away. As he stripped the damp, dark green tee-shirt from his body, Danny attacked Clark, pulling him down into a long, wet kiss.

"It was great meeting you, farm boy. Hope to see you tomorrow."

Clark nipped Danny's lower lip gently and pulled away. After he pulled Chris's shirt on, he tossed them both a smile. "As you wish." Then, with a final pat to both their naked torsos, Clark swaggered off into the Metropolis night.

He had some shopping to do.

________________________________________

It was hard not to be too pleased with himself, but Lex couldn't help it. Not that he'd actually done anything, so he wasn't pleased with himself, per se. He was just happy that for the first time in two days, his office was once again his office.

Or, at least it would be until tomorrow morning when Dad went back to work. Then Lex would relinquish his rights to it once more, go back to Lex Corp and his own room, and sulk at his misfortune. Well, Lex didn't think he was sulking, but Damien seemed to think so.

"There are seventy-five rooms in this house," he'd pointed out in that infuriatingly calm voice of his. "You could tell your father to take one of those for his office."

"It's fine."

"Or you could take one of the other rooms."

"It's fine."

"You could use my office."

"Damien ...."

"In short, there is no reason for you to sit sulking in your room like a child while you cater to every whim your father asks of you."

All Lex could respond to that was, "I'm not sulking," with an air of wounded dignity before changing the subject.

Right now, though, the office was free and clear and Lex could get some work done in the spacious, well-lit room. It was his right, after all; he'd designed the new window and lighting scheme after the tornado, and now his father was benefiting from it. Since he was passed out in his room after a grueling physical therapy session, Lex decided it was time to take advantage of the emptiness.

And if he happened to come across any files Dad's assistants had left lying around, so much the better.

"Lex, what is it with you and your obsession with 'It's a Small World?'" Clark asked, sounding disappointed to uncover a failing in his lover.

Lex abruptly stopped humming. He was mortified that he'd been doing it without even being aware of humming. Especially that song. God. Did he do that at the office, too?

"Uh, my mom liked the ride," he said, ears hot.

"I see. Well, I came to shoot some pool, but it looks like this establishment is closed."

Why had Lex thought it would be a good idea to close off their minds again? He had no idea what Clark was thinking; he was using an easy, happy-like tone, but that didn't mean anything. Especially since there seemed to be the faintest hint of arrogance at the edge of it, just like there had been last night.

Lex touched his tongue to his abused lower lip and replied, "My father's presence has required certain sacrifices." He looked at the file in his hands and then closed it.

"Seriously, you should throw him out."

"It's not like I haven't fantasized ..." Lex's voice trailed off and died as he turned around and saw Clark.

Clark was dressed all in black. And it wasn't just black. It was expensive black. Silk shirt: ninety dollars. Wool slacks: one hundred fifty dollars. Sunglasses: four hundred dollars. Coat: two thousand dollars.

Lex knew the slacks; he'd purchased them in July when he and Clark had gone to Metropolis and been fitted for their suits. Same with the shoes. They kept the clothes in the penthouse, since it was unlikely Clark would ever have a chance of wearing them in Smallville.

The coat, though, was new and it wasn't just the clothes that made Lex's mouth fall open and feel as if he needed to wipe drool from his chin. It was everything: the stance, the carriage, the electrifying way Clark was looking at him that sent shivers down Lex's spin.

Oh God, he was fucked. When the hell had he lost control of himself? When the hell had the mere sight of anyone been enough to make Lex's knees turn to water?

"You've fantasized?" Clark prompted, swaggering closer. His eyes were heavy lidded and he had a smirk on his face that let Lex know that Clark knew exactly the effect he was having.

Lex swallowed hard. "I've, uh, fantasized about throwing him out on his ass, but his condition begs a certain leniency."

Clark stopped in front of Lex and leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of Lex's body. "Just because your father has a problem doesn't mean he needs to ruin your life."

"I wasn't aware a two thousand dollar coat came with a backbone." Lex swallowed again as Clark smirked.

He leaned forward and brushed his nose under Lex's ear. Lex shivered at the contact; he was really sensitive there, and Clark was rubbing him, inhaling as he did as if he were smelling Lex.

"I want you to tell your father to leave," he whispered. His lips connected with the spot, causing Lex to jump.

"Clark, what's going on?"

"You don't want him here. I don't want him here. Make him leave."

Lex turned his head. "I can't."

"This isn't open to debate. Send him away now."

Oh God. Clark was asserting his dominance. Giving Lex orders. Telling him what to do and the funny part was, Lex wanted to obey. He wanted to nod and tell Clark that he'd do it. Just like that.

When had he gotten so weak? His father would hate him.

"Lex?"

He licked his lips. "He's knocked out right now. He had physical therapy. His leg is still really stiff, and it causes him a lot of pain. Whenever he works on it, they give him medication and he's out the rest of the night."

A look of annoyance crossed over Clark's face and he pulled away.

"Clark, you can't expect me to just kick him out when he's in pain."

"Kick out the man who tried to rape me? I don't have a problem with that. And the more pain he's in, the better."

His mouth fell open in shock. "Clark ..."

"I need to borrow the Ferrari," Clark said from across the room. He'd picked something off the desk and was turning it over in his hand.

Lex wasn't going to let what Clark had said go so easily. Yes, he knew the attempted rape still bothered Clark; it was to be expected. But he didn't talk about it. Ever. Not unless he was pushed. "Clark, I know how much you hate Dad ..."

"No, Lex, I don't think you do," Clark interrupted almost breezily, but with a dangerous edge to his voice. "And this conversation is over."

Lex started crossing the room to Clark. "But ..."

"I said, 'This conversation is over.'" Clark's voice was low and menacing, eyes flashing midnight blue.

He stopped, blood freezing.

Clark smiled at him. "Very good. Now, as I said before, I need to borrow the Ferrari tonight. I've got a hot date."

Everything was happening way too fast and Lex couldn't keep track of the conversations. "Date?" he repeated, feeling extremely stupid. Only Clark could reduce him to this state.

"Yes. A date. With Lana. Lana Lang, the girl I've been in love with since I was five years old. You know, right after I learned how to speak English."

And thus forgot all about you, was the comment that was implied, but Lex let that slide by. Instead, he inhaled slowly and said, "I wouldn't exactly call Lana a 'hot date.' More like a cold, frigid one, and if you think I'm jealous of ..."

"Yes I do think you're ..."

"A girl whose thighs you will never ..."

"Jealous and ..."

"Ever be able to pry open no matter how strong you are ..."

"And you are going to spend the night wondering what I'm doing ..."

"Unless you are married to her and maybe not even then!"

"To her in your car and if it's not her it will be the two guys I met at the club last night who want me to fuck them and if it's not them then it'll be Jessie who I'm sure will be happy to blow me in between classes tomorrow if I don't get any tonight."

Lex blinked, feeling as if Clark had slapped him. Unable to quite comprehend the implications of Clark's statement all at once, he mechanically went to the bar and poured himself a drink. Some of it spilled since his hands trembled, but he managed to bolt most of it back and pour himself another. "You went to a club last night?" he said when the second drink was gone. His throat felt raw.

Clark nodded, smirking. "Yeah, I did. I met a lot of interesting people."

He had to keep calm. Clark was only going to get more smug if Lex panicked over this, and it was important. "Clark, did you fuck anyone?"

"Why? Jealous?"

"Of course I'm jealous," Lex said, exasperated. "I'm jealous, okay? Happy? That's not why I asked, though. I want to know is if you have sex? Did someone give you a blow job? Or a hand job? Did you come on anyone? Basically, is there any evidence of you--especially your semen--on anyone else's body."

Clark shook his head. "Oh, now you don't want me seeing anyone else. What sort of games are you playing, Lex?"

Lex threw the glass at Clark, his resolve to stay calm lost. It crashed against the wall when Clark ducked.

"You can date whoever the hell you want! You can fuck whoever you want but for Christ's sake, you need to wear a condom! For anything! Okay, maybe not a hand job, but then you clean it up right way. Don't let them taste you. If they do, they'll know you aren't human."

Clark sighed like he was bored and shrugged. "Do you have any? Because the only condom I've ever owned is the one Pete gave me for my birthday, and I don't think it will be enough."

Angry and shaking, Lex went to the desk and pulled out the side drawer. There was a box of condoms in the compartment under the false bottom. He pulled those out and threw them at Clark. "There. Enjoy."

"Thank you." Clark slid the box into his pocket. "And the Ferrari?"

Lex tossed him the keys. "Lana isn't the type to be impressed by a Ferrari."

"Please," Clark snorted. "She's impressed by an espresso machine, Lex. Besides, the car isn't for her; it's for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm tired of not having cool stuff. I'm tired of being the poor farm kid who can't afford a ring because his family doesn't make enough money. It's not my fault we're poor. Why should I have to suffer because my parents are too stupid to go into something that makes money? I want things. I deserve things."

Lex frowned. "Clark, I didn't realize that this bothered you so much."

"Of course not." Clark began moving closer to Lex, face dark. "You don't know what's been going on with me lately because you closed yourself off to me. You raised your mental shields and blocked. Me. Out." Right on top of Lex now, Clark flicked his fingers against Lex's forehead none too lightly.

Lex was beginning to get scared, which just went to show how badly his self-protective instincts were lately. He should have been scared a long before now.

"Look," he said, feeling slightly triumphant that he managed to keep his voice steady. "We obviously really need to talk. About a lot of things. Call Lana, cancel your date. We can do whatever you want: talk, fuck, pull down my mental shields. Whatever. Just ... please." He swallowed hard. "You're scaring me."

Clark made a soft face and took Lex's face between his hands. "Ah. Baby." Gently, he kissed Lex. "I'm just frustrated, that's all. Tired of being a charity case."

"You're not a charity case, Clark."

"I must be. I don't have any money. Not really."

Lex closed his eyes, heart thumping oddly. In real life, he would never make this offer. Not now. Not yet. It was the inevitable conclusion of their relationship, of course, but right now was too soon.

But, they seemed to have left real life at some point and journeyed into a strange alternate reality. One where the rules didn't apply, and he could do what he wanted. So, he took a deep breath and said, "You have money, Clark. Mine. Our money."

Clark laughed and kissed his forehead. "Cute, Lex, but no. You don't mean it. You're just saying that to make me cancel my date. And it won't work." He kissed Lex on the lips, and bit the already broken bottom lip, bringing fresh blood to the surface. "You're the one who's always saying I need to date more people. Don't worry; you know who has my heart." He released Lex and twirled the keys around his finger. "Thanks for the loan, baby," he said with a blinding smile. Then he turned and swaggered out of the room.

When he was gone, Lex went to the bar and poured himself a new drink. Something was terribly wrong with Clark, and Lex didn't know what to do about it.

________________________________________

Chloe pulled up in front of the Wild Coyote slowly. Lana could see her through the windshield, frowning and looking around at the police cars and people milling about. When she stopped, Lana pulled away from the shadows she was hiding in and ran to the car, climbing inside.

"You okay?" Chloe asked.

"Just drive."

Chloe nodded and pulled out of the parking lot, heading back to Smallville.

It was only once they were on the road that Lana allowed herself to cry. She curled into a ball and pressed her face against the window, weeping silently, trying not to impose on Chloe. But Chloe knew. About three miles away from the bar, she pulled off the road, turned off the engine, and turned to tug Lana into her arms.

That's when the sobbing started. Deep, gut wrenching sobs that made her stomach and throat hurt, but couldn't be held back because the pain inside was much worse.

She wept wildly for about fifteen minutes. During that time, Chloe rocked her slowly, stroking her hair. She didn't shush Lana, didn't try to tell her that everything would be all right. All Chloe did was hold her, as if sensing that anything else would break Lana, send her deeper into despair and embarrassment, and just make everything worse. Lana didn't want pity. She didn't want Chloe to feel sorry for her. All she wanted was to be held, for someone to protect her until the world stopped reeling around her, and she could stand without falling again.

"What happened?" Chloe asked softly when Lana's sobs had subsided into quiet sniffles.

"C-Clark. D-dumped me for Jessie. At the bar. He was acting so w-weird. And he kissed her and started a f-fight and he left and I was just standing there and he walked right by me and left. He ..." Lana broke off and pulled away.

Chloe handed her a tissue. "Start from the beginning?"

So Lana did. She started with Clark asking her out that afternoon--"He didn't ask. He told me we were going out"-- and him picking her up in Lex's Ferrari, and the bar, and how cold and distant and jerky he was. How she felt like a little girl around him and Jessie and the adults in the bar. How uncomfortable she was and how he didn't seem to care. How he treated her like an object, a doll, a plaything, and was totally indifferent to her discomfort. How dirty she felt by just being there, and the fire, and him taking off with Jessie without even a glance in her direction, even though she was standing right outside waiting for Chloe.

"He was so mean. And ... And mean isn't enough. I don't know how t-to say it. Clark was..." Lana hesitated and shook her head. "I don't know what he was. He was different."

Chloe leaned back against her door, a look of total shock on her face. "I don't believe it," she said after a moment.

Tears flooded out of Lana's eyes before Chloe's words even registered. And when they did, she managed to choke out, "You don't believe me?"

"Oh, Lana, of course I believe you." Chloe leaned forward and took Lana's hands. "You wouldn't lie about this. I know it happened like you described. I just don't believe that Clark would ever do something like that."

"But he did. He did."

"I know, Lana. But think about it: before tonight, would you ever have thought Clark capable of treating anyone like he treated you tonight?"

Lana shifted uncomfortably. "No. But people change."

"This quickly? I mean, on Tuesday, he literally rescued a kitten from a tree outside the Talon, and then Friday he dumped the girl of his dreams for a trash-bag ho. One day he's quizzing us on our English exam, and the next he's blowing off a history cram session because he wants to go to a bar. And then he skipped all but first period of school this morning. No." Chloe shook her head. "People change, but this is too much too fast. Something else is going on."

"No. He's ... he's always been weird. Always been there and not there and hot and cold."

"But not like this." Chloe's tone was crisp now. A little annoyed. She squeezed her hand. "Lana, have you ever seen him treat anyone like he did you tonight? Or act the way he's been acting the past two days?"

Lana sniffed and shook her head slowly.

"No, you haven't. Because Clark is the nicest person I know and he could never be so cruel. Something else is going on." Chloe sighed. "Lana ... I learned the hard way that when someone you care about suddenly starts acting differently and that little voice inside you tells you that something must be wrong, you better listen to that voice. I lost the most important relationship in my life because I didn't listen. I don't want you and Clark to lose each other because you can't look past what happened tonight and see what might be going on."

"Chloe," Lana said, breaking out into a fresh round of tears.

Chloe wiped Lana's eyes. "Maybe you're right; maybe Clark is the biggest asshole in the world now. And, if he did this and there's no explanation, then I can't be friends with him anymore. But I know him. He wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you. So, it must be something else."

"What?" Lana's throat hurt, and her eyes were beginning to get fuzzy from crying.

"Well, the meteor rocks are always a good suspect. But, in this case, I think it's a new type." She took Lana's hand and fingered the class ring on her finger. "These rings? We paid for rubies, and we got red meteor rocks. The company found a big stash in Smallville and figured they'd make a profit by cheaping us out on what we paid for. So maybe they have something to do with Clark's behavior."

Lana wiped her nose with the back of her hand and frowned. "Why aren't we affected then? He's the only one I've seen whose personality's changed."

Chloe hesitated a long moment. "Well," she finally said, "I've never seen the green rocks affect people the same way. Everyone's reaction has been different. Maybe it's the same with the red rocks. Like something about Clark is especially sensitive to them, where the rest of us are fine." She smiled sheepishly, an embarrassed flush on her cheeks. "I don't know anything for sure. Maybe Clark's been sucking on green rocks or something. Or maybe he somehow got his ring embedded into his skin, so he's infected. Or, maybe I'm full of hot air and have no idea what I'm talking about. Whatever it is, we'll figure it out."

Lana sniffed and wiped her nose again. "Okay. And I'll ... I'll try and wait and see what happens with Clark."

"Next time you see him, tell him how much he hurt you. If he acts like a jerk, leave. With dignity." Chloe caressed Lana's cheek. "But if he apologizes, listen to what he has to say."

"What if he doesn't remember? I mean, what if he found one of those flowers and got sprayed?"

Chloe frowned. "Tell him what happened. Or have me tell him, so he knows. Because you're still going to feel bad about it, and he's going to know something is wrong. He'd rather apologize for something he doesn't remember than have you live in pain not knowing."

Lana nodded. "Okay." Unbidden, tears began sliding down her cheeks again.

Chloe smiled sympathetically. "So. Why don't we hit the video and grocery stores on the way home, and then you and I have a movie night? We'll get ice cream, brownies, the works."

"Sounds good." Lana managed a small smile. "What did I do to deserve you?"

Her face scarlet, and Chloe shrugged. "I'm not that great."

"Yes. You are. I ..." Lana broke off and shook her head. She leaned forward and kissed Chloe's cheek. "Thank you."

Chloe kissed her too, and then pulled away. Her hands were trembling slightly as she started the car, but she just smiled and said, "Any time."

________________________________________

Packing didn't take very long, since there was nothing Clark felt he really needed to take. After all, what was the point of leaving his old, stifling life if he took everything he was trying to get away from with him?

He took all his new clothes, of course, and Lex's credit card in case he needed something before he made his fortune. He also tied the key to the safe deposit box around his neck again; he might not use the passports and whatnot, but he'd need the money. The picture of him and Lex sleeping in Lex's car was tossed in, as well as the book containing photos from his last birthday and that summer. It was stupid and sentimental to take them along, but he couldn't leave them behind. No matter how angry he was at Lex, he was too much a part of Clark to cut ties completely.

Anything else that was in his room he could get later if he wanted it. There really was nothing left for him in Smallville, and he saw no reason to burden himself with unneeded memories.

He was loading the bags into the Ferrari when his so-called father emerged from the house, throwing backwards glances at it as if he were afraid of coming outside without Martha. Which he probably was, since they never seemed to be able to do anything without each other.

"Clark," Jonathan said as he approached the car. "Where were you last night? Your mother and I looked for you everywhere."

Without looking at him, Clark answered, "Last night was the best night of my life."

"Really? Were you with Lex?" He sounded genuinely confused, which must have meant he had talked to Lex and had some sort of agreement with him. Like Lex was supposed to call them if Clark showed up.

Interesting. Did Lex really think that his parents could stop Clark from doing what he wanted?

"No, I wasn't. Why?" Clark faced Jonathan and looked at him over the rim of his sunglasses. "The two of you been talking?"

"No," Jonathan replied guardedly. "Your mother and I called last night to see if he knew where you were. We want to help you."

Clark snorted. "Please. Help me. Help me what? Stay here on the farm, doing chores, wasting my life for a twenty-dollar a week allowance?" He grinned and shook his head.

"Clark, I wish you could hear yourself for just a minute. There's something very wrong with you." He frowned and glanced at Clark's hand. "It's that ring."

"Jesus Christ! You're still upset about the fucking ring? You're pathetic. Besides, do you really think I'm stupid enough to spend all my money at once on this piece of crap? Lex lent me the money, and I was going to pay him back."

Jonathan looked as if he'd been sucker punched. "He what? Clark ..."

"Hey. It's my life. I can borrow money from whoever I want. I shouldn't have to suffer because you're too stupid to give up on a failing farm and go into something that actually makes money."

He blinked and shook his head. "Clark ... No. I ... I mean that the ring is affecting your judgment. It's made of red meteor rock. You know how the green ones affect you physically? Well I think the red ones affect your mind." He reached out for Clark, but Clark flinched back.

"You really don't want to touch me," he said dangerously.

Jonathan turned pale and looked at Clark in disbelief. "Clark. Give me the ring."

"No. I like the ring. You think it's affecting my mind? Well I think the only thing it's done is opened my eyes. I don't know why I've wasted my time with you and your wife. The only thing the two of you have ever done is use me and made me waste my potential."

"We were trying to protect you."

"Well you've failed!" Clark shouted, rage overtaking him. "You've fucking failed, Jonathan. For thirteen years you've used me like one of your farm tools, and then the one time I was threatened, you just let them take me away. Let Lionel Luthor take me away and try to fucking rape me, and all I could do was sit there and let him. And you know why? Because the only thing you and she have ever taught me is not to let anyone know what I am, so I froze."

Jonathan paled and swayed a little. He reached out and grasped the Ferrari for support, swallowing hard. "Lionel did what?" he managed to get out in a tight voice.

Clark tightened his jaw. "Tried to rape me. When he took me away from you. That night, when I was at his mansion, he came into my room and started running his filthy hands all over my body. And then he did it again last summer. Grabbed me off the street in front of the Talon and touched me." Shaking his head, Clark walked around the Ferrari to the front seat. "But you know all about Lionel and his wandering hands, Father. After all, you were his whore for a while there."

"No."

"Oh, please. Lionel may be a liar, but I know he was telling the truth about this. I've seen you around him. I know how uncomfortable you get when he's near. He wasn't lying." He laughed bitterly. "And you knew what he was. He used you, and you let him. And then you let him take me." Clark snorted and pushed Jonathan away from the car.

Jonathan stumbled back and fell. He caught himself on his wrist and winced, immediately grabbing it.

Clark climbed into the car. "So much for your protection."

"Clark!" Martha called, rushing down the steps from the house. "Where are you going?"

"I'm off to make my fortune," Clark told her, eyes on Jonathan. "Maybe I'll pay you back for all your years of protection when I do. See you." He started the car and pulled away, barely giving Jonathan time to move.

It didn't matter anymore. Any of it. He was off to see the world, and he wasn't going to let anything--or anyone--hold him back anymore.

________________________________________

"Lex," Clark said, announcing his presence as he dramatically threw open the double doors leading to Lex's office. "I'm going to keep the Ferrari a little bit longer. I'll send it back when I get myself set up."

Lex jumped slightly, just managing not to knock his laptop off his lap. He hadn't been informed Clark was on the property, an oversight he'd have to take up with security. Apparently the instructions, "Inform me if anyone signs in at the gate," were too hard to understand.

"Clark, slow down," Lex said in what he hoped was a calming voice. There was an air of almost frantic intensity around Clark, which was very unsettling. Even more unsettling was the fact Lex had spent the entire night before trying to get his mental shields down, and even though they were gone, he couldn't feel Clark at all. He could see Clark, standing over him, arms crossed over his chest, eyes dark, but there was a blank, empty space where Clark's mind should be.

Interesting. For some reason, Lex had assumed that Clark had kept his shields down when they broke up out of some sense of righteous indignation. He'd never stopped to contemplate how it might feel, but right now, on the receiving end of frightening emptiness, he knew it would have been impossible for Clark to stay open and not go insane.

Of course, his behavior the past couple of days wasn't exactly indicative of mental stability, but now Lex knew the problem wasn't a sudden mind shift brought on by anger at Lex.

"What's going on?" he asked, gesturing at the recliner next to the seat he was sitting in. He powered down his laptop, heart starting to pound in anticipation as Clark stretched out on the recliner.

Clark smiled in self-satisfaction as he snuggled into the recliner. Lex could almost see him thinking "This will all be mine," as he mentally took possession of the recliner and everything else in the room. "I've left home," he announced as his eyes swept Lex's furniture.

Really? Lex thought. Left home, meaning Clark probably had gone home at some point after seeing Lex the night before. Which wouldn't have been surprising except not long after he'd left, Lex had received a phone call from Mrs. Kent. She'd explained the situation to Lex: the sudden attitude change, the thousands of dollars Clark had spent on junk, throwing Jonathan against the truck and then skipping school.

The ring. The goddamn ring with the new kind of meteor that both Lex and Dr. Hamilton had somehow missed. The ring that didn't make Clark physically sick but instead had the miraculous ability to take their sweet and innocent Dr. Jekyll and turn him into a teenage Mr. Hyde. As if being a teenager wasn't bad enough.

Before they'd hung up, Lex and Martha had promised that they would call each other the moment either once saw Clark again.

Lex didn't want to think of the possible reasons they wouldn't have called him this morning. As frightening and out-of-control as Clark might be right now, Lex really didn't think he was capable of truly hurting his

At least, he hoped that was the case.

Clark was looking at Lex now, his gaze torn between annoyance at not being asked why he ran away, and hunger. It was more than lust; it was ownership. Lex felt as if he had "Property of Clark Kent," tattooed across his forehead.

He cleared his throat and forced his mind back to the conversation at hand. "A fight with your folks?"

"My parents don't understand me," Clark replied dismissively. His eyes flicked over Lex before returning to the rest of the room. "Truth is, there's nothing left for me here in Smallville."

Oh, that hurt. Sharply, deeply. Enough to make Lex's breath catch and a pang to tighten his stomach. He tried to control his reaction--he knew Clark had said it to provoke him, and Lex didn't want to give him the satisfaction of success. Except, he couldn't hide anything since Clark had a direct tap on his emotions.

Still looking away from Lex, Clark smiled, showing exactly how much he enjoyed Lex's pain.

And then, suddenly, Clark frowned. "You're different." He sat up and looked at Lex through penetrating eyes. "There's something ... different about you."

Shit.

Lex swallowed hard and tried to put on his most unassuming expression. Singing 'It's a Small World' in his head to distract himself and hopefully keep Clark from getting a good read on his emotions, he rose and walked across the room. "I don't know why. I'm pretty sure I'm the same person I was yesterday." As he reached for the Scotch, he smiled disarmingly at Clark.

"No, you're not. And it's a little early in the day to be drinking," he added sharply, his observation an order.

Lex froze, his hand tightening on the bottle. Even though he knew perfectly well what time it was--about ten--he checked his watch.

"Huh," he said after a moment, pretending to be surprised. "You're right. I've had a long morning and thought it was later." He turned his back to the bar and leaned against it. "How did your date go last night?"

Clark looked at him for a long moment before answering. "It was okay. I dumped Lana pretty early on, hung out with Jessie the rest of the night. We fooled around in your car. She got me off, I got her off. A good time was had by all." Clark rose and glided over to Lex.

When he got to the bar, Clark planted his feet on either side of Lex's body, so close that Lex could feel his body heat rising off him in waves. He frowned slightly; Clark felt a lot warmer than usual, but before Lex could say anything, Clark's lips were an inch away from Lex's, fingers tracing his cheek and jaw line.

"I had my fingers in new places," Clark breathed into Lex's lips.

Lex shuddered, eyes falling at half-mast. He'd forgotten how innately sexual Clark could be when he tried. So much of the time, Clark walked around wrapped in a layer of boyishness that was appealing but not intrinsically sexual. And then, just like that, Clark could transform himself into this being who exuded sex and promise with just the way he stood and looked at you.

Lex's heart began to pound, stomach tightening with the first stirrings of arousal. The children's song that had been running through his head died a quick death, and Lex could see the evidence of his own emotions flowing through the bond on Clark's face.

Clark's lips curved and his fingers moved over Lex's skin lightly from his jaw to his lips.

"My fingers were inside her," he said in a whisper as he traced the bow of Lex's mouth. "In, out. In, out. One, two, three. She freaked when I tried to do my whole hand, so I went easy on her. I fucked her with my fingers, just three. She was so wet, Lex. I didn't know girls got that wet."

Lex flinched when Clark brushed his fingers over Lex's lacerated lower lip. He tried to control his reaction, but it hurt.

Clark's smile curved grew but he didn't say anything. Instead, he pressed two fingers in the crease of Lex's mouth, forcing them to breach Lex's lips and slide inside.

He opened his mouth and drew Clark's fingers in further. Slowly, teasingly, Clark twirled his fingers, caressing Lex from the inside, tracing over teeth and gums, tongue and palate. Exploring Lex's mouth as he must have explored Jessie the night before.

Lex gripped the counter he was leaning against, shuddering hard.

"It was different," Clark whispered against Lex's temple. He pressed his lips against Lex's skin, and then pulled back so he could watch his fingers sliding in and out of Lex's mouth.

Their eyes met, Clark's fathomless and darkened by lust. His tongue gently touched his lower lip and lips curved into a smile.

Tired of being the passive recipient of the exploration, Lex swallowed around Clark's fingers. Clark tensed slightly, cheeks turning pink. Encouraged by Clark's response, Lex began sucking, putting his considerable oral skills to work on the fingers inside his mouth. He stilled their exploration as he took over, sucking and scraping his teeth along their length.

Clark stepped closer to him until their bodies were pressed together. His face grew flushed as Lex sucked him, excitement obvious.

"Yeah, baby," Clark whispered. He nuzzled behind Lex's ear, thrusting inside Lex's mouth with his fingers. "Suck me."

Lex complied, sucking harder, working his tongue more skillfully around the broad fingers. Clark's arm snaked around his waist and he pressed his hard cock into Lex's hip.

He moaned softly and bit Clark's fingers. Biting up to the tips, Lex pressed his own erection into Clark, and then released his fingers. "Was it good different?" he asked. He ground his cock into Clark gently, following the rocking motion that Clark had started. Hot sunbursts of pleasure radiated out with each small thrust, making him have to work to think.

"You know what they say about sex. Any sex is good." Clark frowned. "I don't know about that, though. It seems like you cannot enjoy yourself at times. Your body might get off, but your heart isn't in it." Clark's eyes glittered in the morning light streaming in through the windows. "My body enjoyed it. Liked having her sweaty, warm skin pressed against mine. Liked the way her hand fit around my cock. Liked how I could thread my hands through her hair and tug." One hand ghosted over Lex's head, stopped at his neck. "But it was empty."

Lex swallowed hard, eyes falling shut. "I see." Shivers ran through him as Clark caressed the sensitive skin at the nape of his neck. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was still fun. I'd do it again. Actually, I'm supposed to. Jessie's going run away with me today." He smiled wolfishly, tracing his thumb over Lex's lower lip again. He worried the broken skin, making it ache.

Trying to ignore the slight pain--really no more than an irritation, Lex asked, "Where are you two planning on going?"

"Anywhere but here." He dug his fingernail into the bite, drawing blood and a faint cry of pain from Lex, which seemed to please Clark if the smile that crossed his face was any indication. "We'll go to Metropolis first. And then I can see my guys from the club again. Jessie and I stayed out too long last night and I didn't get a chance to go meet up with them. I'll call them when I get to the city, though." Clark lapped up the tiny beads of blood on Lex's lip, and then released him. He stepped around Lex's body so he was standing at the bar and picked up the bottle of Scotch.

"Maybe I should go with you," Lex suggested, trying to regain his equilibrium. If Clark was going to toy with him, Lex had to be on his toes, which meant keeping his mind clear. Unfortunately, his mind had pretty much shut down in favor of his body, which wanted nothing more than to lie down and shout, "Please fuck me!" at Clark.

But he couldn't. Clark was sick and Lex was supposed to take care of him.

"Come with me?" Clark repeated, eyebrow raised.

"Sure. Why not? If my dad wants the mansion so much, he can take it. I never wanted to live here anyway."

Clark smiled. "You really want to come?" he asked, sounding incredulous. He tossed back the Scotch.

"Why not?" Lex smiled a trifle sadly. "Without you, there's nothing for me here." He waited a beat while the statement settled in Clark's mind before saying, "We could stay in the penthouse."

Instead of answering right away, Clark poured himself another drink. This one he sipped slowly, as if savoring it. When the glass was empty, he set it down and turned to Lex. "All right, but I get the master bedroom. If you want it, you have to sleep with me."

"I can live with that." He smiled and touched Clark's arm gently. "Look, as much as I'd love to go pack and leave right away, I can't. I need to drop by the plant and tie up a few loose ends. While I'm doing that, why don't you stay here and relax awhile? I shouldn't be too long."

Clark smiled almost lazily. "That's fine, Lex. I should be able to find plenty to entertain myself while I'm here. Just don't take too long."

Stomach squeezing in anticipation, Lex returned the smile. It felt false, but he'd had many years of practice looking sincere even when he wasn't. Whether or not it would work with Clark remained to be seen. After all, this was Clark, not some debutante that Lex was being forced to escort for the evening to look good for the papers.

"I shouldn't be very long." Lex turned and began walking to the door. He kept his steps even and unhurried so as not to alert Clark. Lex wasn't, of course, going to the plant; he was going straight to the Kents'. He and Jonathan would come back with some green meteor rocks, incapacitate Clark, and ...

Without warning, Clark's body connected with Lex's. They flew the final couple feet to the wall next to the door; Lex slammed into it with a loud groan, his head knocking into the wall with an audible crack.

"Clark," Lex wheezed as his chest seized. A fit of coughing overtook him. He clawed at the wall as he coughed, trying to convince his body that it was okay, he wasn't under attack, there was no reason to start panicking.

It didn't turn into a full-blown asthma attack. He kept coughing and wheezing, but the pressure eased, allowing him to breathe.

Clark's arms tightened around Lex's waist as he pressed Lex into the wall. He was rubbing his face over Lex's skull, lips brushing against his earlobe as if Clark were a giant cat and marking Lex with his scent.

"Clark!" Lex managed to croak. "What's going on?"

"I've figured out what's different about you," Clark whispered. His hand slipped underneath Lex's shirt, and scratched his stomach.

Lex groaned, trying to curl in on himself, but was held in place by Clark.

"You dropped your shields. Your mind is open."

"Yes," Lex gasped. "I did. Last night."

"Why?" When Lex didn't answer, Clark placed his arm on the back of Lex's neck and shoved him again. "Why?"

"Worried about you," Lex managed. "Clark, please." Tears gathered in the corner of Lex's eyes from the pressure Clark was exerting on his chest; he was afraid his ribcage would break.

The pressure eased. "Why are you worried about me?"

"Because you're not yourself."

"I'm not myself," Clark repeated. "Are you kidding me? For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid of anything. I'm embracing my alien nature, Lex. I thought that was what you wanted."

"It is," Lex said through gritted teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut as Clark increased the pressure on the back of his neck. "But the way you're behaving right now is dangerous."

"Dangerous. You think I'm dangerous."

Lex coughed. "Yes. And I'm afraid you might get hurt."

Clark laughed. "Nothing can hurt me. That's what invincible means."

"The meteor rocks can hurt you."

"No one knows that."

"But they might find out. Clark, if you're not careful ..."

"Oh, please." Clark pulled off Lex, spun him around, and slammed him back against the wall. "You and Jonathan are just the same. Both of you talk about how I need to be careful. Don't you understand that I, of all people, don't need to be careful? That I'm stronger and faster than any human can possibly be?"

Lex was feeling dizzy. His head had connected with the wall when Clark had slammed him again. It ached and with Clark still pressing into his chest with brutal pressure, he was beginning to feel like one big bruise.

"Clark," he wheezed, chest constricting again. "What are you planning to do?"

Clark looked at him patronizingly. "Lex, you know what I'm capable of. I could make a fortune off my abilities. I could be richer than you."

"That's not as important as your safety, Clark. If anything were to ever happen to you ..."

"What, Lex? You'd miss me? More likely you'd miss my come. That's all you care about, right? Being healthy? Not being hurt?"

Lex shook his head. "Clark, no. I'd love you even without that. If something were to happen to you, I'd go insane, Clark. If something happened to you, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I love you so much, and if you were ever discovered, I'd lose it." With a shaking hand, he reached out and pulled on the twine tied around Clark's neck.

The key spilled out. Lex cupped the key in his hand, gasping as Clark pressed his forearm against his throat.

"Clark," Lex whispered as his throat began to close. "This is what you mean to me."

"It's a key to a safe deposit box. I'll be using the money to get myself set up."

"Use it however you want. It's yours. You protect me. You use your powers to heal me, and even if you stopped today and left me here, I would spend my life trying to keep you safe." He swallowed hard, feeling lightheaded as it grew harder and harder to breathe. "Use me. Use my money. I'll give you whatever you want, just don't expose yourself."

Clark's eyes turned black and he leaned harder into Lex, deliberately closing off his air supply. He didn't squeeze quite enough to cut it off all the way, just to get the message across that Clark was not pleased with Lex at the moment.

Trying not to panic, Lex breathed in what air was allowed him. He had to trust Clark not to kill him; the moment he lost that trust, Lex would panic and everything would be much, much worse. So he had to keep faith.

Tentatively, Lex ^reached^ out over the bond to where Clark should be, trying to find a way to break through Clark's shields. They were raised solid against him. No matter how hard Lex ^threw^ himself at them, he kept getting ^thrown^ back.

Clark began massaging Lex's cock through his slacks. His lips were sucking his neck, leaving bruises Lex could feel form each time Clark pulled back.

"I want you," Clark whispered. "I want you with me. You're mine, Lex. Now and forever. Mine. My love, my lover, my mate."

"Yes." But it was getting to be too much and if Lex didn't get air soon, the point was going to be moot. "Clark. I can't breathe."

The pressure eased minutely, enough for Lex to get a good breath in. And then Clark leaned in again, still caressing Lex, keeping him aroused and hard, even as blackness edged around him.

Maybe it was a game. Maybe Clark would play by the rules. If not ... Lex had to try.

He licked his lips and, with the last of his air, whispered, "Panda." A fit of very weak coughing wracked his body.

The pressure eased and Lex could breathe again.

"Careful," Clark warned. His arms changed from crushing to comforting as he helped Lex slide to the floor. Once there, Clark pulled Lex into his lap and began rocking gently, running kisses along Lex's scalp.

For his part, Lex just breathed. It felt so good to be able to draw in a breath, that he didn't bother to examine what had just happened. He couldn't think. The rush of air made thinking impossible just as relief made him limp.

"Better?" Clark asked after Lex's breathing had steadied into something normal.

Lex nodded and turned so he could rest his forehead against Clark's shoulder.

Clark nuzzled behind his ear before biting his earlobe. "I want to fuck you," he said. He bit Lex's ear again.

"What?"

"I want to fuck you. Here. Now. Before we go to Metropolis, if you still want to." Clark pulled back and looked into Lex's eyes. He began unbuttoning Lex's shirt. "What do you want?"

Lex cleared his throat, wincing; it was very tender. "Ah ... I don't know. Maybe we should wait until we get there. We'll have the place to ourselves."

"Don't you get that I don't care what other people think anymore?" Without undoing the rest of the buttons, Clark's fist clenched in the fabric of Lex's shirt and he ripped it off Lex.

It burned. Lex's back arched at the pain and he bit back a startled exclamation.

Pushing Lex onto his back, Clark bent over and bit the spot on Lex's neck that he always, unerringly found. "Say the word and this stops."

"Does it?"

"I responded to the safe word, didn't I?"

He had, which was comforting, but not much. Clark was not in his right mind, and Lex was afraid of what would happen when the ring finally came off. Clark would be ... upset with himself, even if Lex did consent. And if he didn't, and Clark forced the issue ... Clark would never be able to live with himself.

"Clark." Lex's fingers threaded in Clark's hair as he licked and sucked his way over Lex's chest. "I want you to do something for me first. Will you?"

"I'm not taking my class ring off, baby, if that's what you're going to ask me." His teeth sank into Lex's chest and he worried the skin, causing Lex to squirm.

"Why not?" Lex gasped, tears rising as Clark bit harder.

He released the skin and propped himself on one arm over Lex. Smiling as he unbuttoned his own shirt, Clark said, "Jonathan told me about the new meteor rocks. Pretty cool, huh? Finally, something from home that doesn't make me sick." He shrugged out of the shirt.

"You call this not sick?"

Capturing Lex's nipple between his fingers, Clark twisted. "Are you saying I'm insane, Lex?"

"Of course not," he gasped, fingers scrabbling at the floor for something to hold on to as pain coursed through his body. His cock throbbed in response, heat suffusing his limbs as Clark twisted. "But I think it's affecting your body in some way," Lex managed to get out, rocking his hips into Clark. "Your temperature seems up; you're so hot. You burn."

Which, of course, was the wrong thing to say. Clark stopped twisting Lex's nipples, but only because he dropped down onto Lex's body, forcing Lex to take almost his full weight at once.

Lex groaned, hands braced on Clark's shoulders as if he could really hold him back.

"Am I too hot for you, baby?"

He really was. As warm as he normally was, his temperature was higher now. Lex thought he seemed even warmer than he had when he'd first walked into the room, which made him worried. It was possible the red rock was stimulating something in Clark's mind that sent him into overdrive. Like Desiree had over stimulated Lex's hypothalamus, which had contributed to his entire body becoming run down for a few days, the same could be happening to Clark. Only with Clark, it was constant, since he hadn't taken the ring off. God knew what would happen if Lex didn't get it off him in time.

"Why don't we continue this in the bathtub? Or the pool?" Lex suggested as Clark started nipping and sucking him again. "It might be cooler."

"I'm fine. And I like it here." He lifted up slightly and began undoing Lex's slacks. "Tell me what you want, Lex, and I'll do it."

Lex closed his eyes and lifted his hips, allowing Clark to strip him. "What if I tell you to go?"

"I'll go."

"With me?"

Clark didn't answer. Instead, he lowered himself again, lips attaching to Lex's sore nipple. He began sucking, causing Lex's body to tighten and toes to curl. Pleasure flowed through him, making his body heavy and almost lethargic, even though his heart was still pounding.

"Clark," Lex whispered, threading his fingers through Clark's hair.

"I don't want to leave you," Clark whispered, kissing across Lex's chest. "You're mine."

Lex nodded. "I am. But you're scaring me right now."

Lightly, Clark bit his other nipple; it didn't hurt, although Lex was still sore from the vicious twisting from before. Still, the effect rippled through Lex's blood, making it feel as if there was an electrical current running just below his skin, making him buzz.

"Can you be gentler?"

With a loud sucking sound, Clark pulled off the nipple and crawled up Lex's body. His lips found Lex's and he devoured him in a passionate kiss. The kiss was hungry and hot, concentrating on plundering Lex's mouth and worrying the injured bottom lip. It hurt when Clark sucked on his bottom lip but, somehow, it wasn't like before. This pain was pleasure, and wasn't dangerous. This pain was deliberately sexual, instead of designed to frighten. This pain made Lex want to beg for more.

"That's not bad, is it?" Clark whispered when they broke apart.

"No," Lex said hesitantly. It really wasn't, but Lex wasn't sure if Clark would keep it at this level or get more violent. Yes, he'd stopped when Lex had said the safe word, but if Clark really was getting more wound up by the moment because of the rock, who knew what he'd do in twenty minutes? Hell, who knew what he'd do in ten minutes? Clark was smart, and right now, he seemed to be devious as well. Maybe he was trying to lull Lex into a false sense of security, only to act out later.

Clark smiled and ran his hand down Lex's torso. "Trust me," he said as he bent back over Lex.

Oh, Lex wanted to. Clark was moving over his body, placing kisses and caresses that enflamed him. His entire body ached for Clark's, from his pounding head to his toes that were curled into the hardwood floor as Lex arched off the hard surface. His cock was hard, wet, and throbbing.

He knew this was wrong. Horribly, utterly wrong. Clark was sick and when they got the ring off, he'd be horrified by his behavior.

Lex groaned loudly as Clark's hot tongue thrust into his navel. Nerves already tingling, they began exploding, hot white sparks appearing behind his eyelids.

"Not so bad," Clark muttered as he nipped the small flap of flesh that hung over Lex's navel.

"No," Lex agreed. "Not so bad."

Clark laughed and kissed down the invisible trail from below Lex's navel to the top of his boxers. Capturing the elastic waistband between his teeth, Clark slowly teased Lex's boxers down his hips.

As he bit his lower lip hard enough to cause delicious shudders to wrack his body from the pain, Lex raised his lower body so Clark could strip him completely. The floor was cold and hard under him, but Lex didn't care; there was something satisfying lying naked in the office his father had taken away from him, basking in the sunlight that streamed through the stained-glass windows.

"You're gorgeous," Clark said as he traced down Lex's body with one hand.

Lex shivered, eyes falling shut. He felt a faint wind on his face and was about to open his eyes when his head was lifted up. A moment later, Clark set him back down, and his head came to rest on a pillow.

"Thank you." Lex opened his eyes.

Clark was now naked, his clothes tossed on a nearby chair. Behind him, Lex could see that the desk drawer with the secret bottom was resting on the desk; Clark had the tube of lubricant Lex kept inside it and was squeezing some onto his fingers.

"How often do you use this stuff?" Clark asked, stroking his cock as he lowered himself to his knees besides Lex.

"Never. Well, once." Lex felt his ears grow warm. "Back when Ryan was in town, I was really horny one day. We hadn't been together for a week because of my headaches, and I missed you. I used it to jack off."

"You should have called me. I like phone sex."

"Not with the kid there."

Clark's eyes darkened slightly. "Yeah, you're right. I did used to be sort of a prude. I got embarrassed coming home with your smell on me when he was there, and all we were doing was cuddling." As he said the word "cuddling," Clark slammed three of his fingers inside of Lex.

Taken off guard, Lex shot up. Pain knifed through him not so much from the actual intrusion, but the force with which Clark slammed into him. His pelvis ached with the jar, making his throat close again. He coughed hard and forced himself to relax. The pain was fading to a dull throb, and he was pretty sure Clark wouldn't do anything to really hurt him. At least, not yet.

Lex propped himself on his elbows so he could watch Clark.

"Surprise," Clark teased, twisting his fingers around.

He began pumping in and out slowly; each time his fingers thrust all the way inside Lex, Clark spread them apart as far as they would go, forcing Lex's passage to stretch and pull.

Lex winced each time Clark thrust and forced him open. Shivers raced up and down his back, and he couldn't stop moaning. It didn't hurt, but it didn't feel good either. And yet, his cock was twitching and Lex could barely keep himself in a semi-reclined position or stop from shifting his hips continually. He wasn't doing it to get away, or to make it feel better; he just couldn't stop moving with Clark.

"I liked doing this to Jessie last night. She made all sorts of noises and squirmed on the seat." Clark bit his lower lip and thrust particularly hard.

Lex grunted and fell back, landing on the pillow.

"I was good though." Clark rubbed Lex's stomach with his free hand, as if trying to soothe him.

It did help a little, and Lex could feel his muscles relaxing around Clark's fingers. His breath was coming in short, harsh gasps. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he pressed into Clark, trying to encourage him to go deeper or move or fuck him or something, because he was feeling pretty damn empty at the moment, even with Clark's fingers inside him.

"I mean," Clark continued, picking up his pace so he was thrusting hard and fast, "I didn't do this too hard to her. Not like I'm doing to you. I want you to feel me, now and tomorrow. Her, I just wanted to feel." His pinky slipped inside Lex and he thrust up to his knuckles.

Whimpers escaped Lex's throat. He hurt. His lower body ached with the constant, bone-jarring motions. He could feel the muscles in his back and thighs straining to move with Clark's thrusts, but Clark kept changing his rhythm so it was impossible. They were always at odds. And there was nothing for Lex to hold on to. His nails scraped uselessly over the well waxed floor, trying to find some purchase.

Clark was breathing hard, his eyes glittering strangely. Had Lex been thinking coherently, he would have asked if Clark was all right, but right now, all he wanted was more.

"She offered to let me fuck her," Clark whispered. He bent over Lex and kissed him. He licked along Lex's lower lip and when he pulled back, Lex could see his blood on Clark's tongue. "Begged me. Told me that she wasn't a virgin, it didn't matter, just please. Please." He smiled and leaned over further. Lex could feel him folding his hand inside of Lex, pressing in again, slowly.

"Clark," Lex hissed, his body tensing.

"Relax, baby. Relax." He licked the shell of Lex's ear and pressed a kiss into it. "She liked my cock; really liked it. Said it was bigger than any boyfriend she'd ever had. Said she dated this six-six football player once, and he had a big cock. But it was nothing compared to mine." His thumb slid inside Lex, resting along the fold of Clark's palm.

Tears gathered at the edges of Lex's eyes and he couldn't breathe. He wouldn't, would he? "Clark, please." His hands gripped Clark's shoulders and he pushed ineffectually.

"Don't you trust me?" Clark pulled back and gazed down into Lex's eyes.

"Yes, I do. But please don't. Don't." Anxiety was making his body ache. He could feel himself closing up painfully around Clark's hand.

Clark kissed him. His lips moved over Lex's gently, lovingly, his mouth reverent now where it had been demanding before. "Lex," he whispered. He rested their foreheads against each other. "Baby, you need to trust me. Am I hurting you?"

"It's going to hurt. It'll tear me." Lex had to fought to keep his voice steady; even with the effort, there were tears on the edge of his voice.

"I'm not going to fist you. Not today. But I will."

"No."

Clark gave him a look. "Don't say that. Right now, you don't want me to, and that's fine. But one day ..." He trailed off and pushed his fingers in further.

"Clark!"

"Jesus Christ, Lex!" Clark shouted angrily, halting his movements. His fingers were in barely past his knuckles, but Lex was still panicked. "You don't trust me at all, do you?"

Lex bit his lip, winced, and released it. "Not today. You're ..."

"I'm pushing you, Lex, on purpose. I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to, but this attitude is pissing me off. Fuck. I let you stick your entire fucking arm in my ass, and all I'm doing is sitting here with my fingers in you."

"You begged me to fist you, and it's different. You don't feel pain."

Clark rolled his eyes and pulled his hand out. Lex grunted at the sudden loss, but before he could do or say anything, Clark had grabbed him by the hips and slammed his cock into him.

His back arched and Lex fell back, his head hitting the pillow. He screamed as Clark pounded into him, hitting his prostate unerringly, tempering the pain of the brutal fucking. Clark's fingers bit into Lex hard, and he could felt the bruises form. To top that off, Clark himself felt like a steel wall and every time his hips connected with Lex's ass, the reverberations shook Lex to the core.

"You are such a fucking hypocrite," Clark said through gritted teeth. "This hurts, but you're taking it and loving it. Aren't you, Lex? Aren't you?"

Lex winced and nodded. "Yes," he practically wailed, holding onto Clark's forearms tightly.

Clark pulled out and flipped Lex over. "Get up."

Shaking, Lex rose to his hands and knees. "Clark ..." he started, but was interrupted when Clark smacked him on the ass. Lex shouted in pain, grabbing the pillow and tearing into it. "Panda! Pandapandapandapandapanda!"

Behind him, Clark made some sort of noise, but it was muffled, as if he were covering his face. When Lex glanced back, he saw Clark lowering his hand. His face was flushed and jaw tight, but he only said in a very even voice, "Panda to everything?"

"No," Lex said hesitantly. "Just ... don't spank me."

Clark sighed and rubbed his hand over Lex's ass. "Are you all right?"

Lex nodded.

"Good." Clark caressed the reddened skin again. "Wouldn't want to break you." Clark placed a kiss on each of Lex's cheeks. "All better?"

Lex managed a smile and a faint laugh. "Yeah, I guess."

Clark kissed Lex's lower back, and then moved forward to brush their lips together. "Good." He deepened the kiss, stroking Lex's back gently, as if trying to sooth him. "Do you trust me?" he whispered.

He hesitated a moment before saying, "Yes."

"Then I'm not going to do anything to hurt you."

"Okay."

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Clark pulled away from Lex's head and took him by his hips. Very slowly, he slid into Lex, rubbing his thumbs in soothing circles on Lex's skin as he did. A moan of pure pleasure escaped Clark's throat, and, when he was fully sheathed, he said breathlessly, "God, I've missed you."

"Me too," Lex had to admit. His head fell forward onto the pillow as Clark resumed thrusting into him.

He moved slowly, almost too slowly. Clark's hips undulated into Lex's, inviting him to dance, but his fingers held Lex still. All Lex could do was lay his head on his crossed arms and moan, feeling electric bursts of pleasure race over his skin each time Clark rolled against his prostate.

Clark's hand reached around and stroked lightly up and down over Lex's cock, jacking him slowly and steadily.

"Oh, God, Clark," Lex whispered when broad fingers brushed over the head of his cock.

"Talk to me, baby," Clark urged, picking up his speed. "I want to hear you."

And then, Lex's cell phone rang, and Clark froze.

"Ignore it," Lex said in a strangled voice. "Please, don't stop."

Clark was silent. His hips pushed into Lex's ass.

"Clark?"

"Answer it."

His head shot up in dismay and Lex twisted around. "Clark!"

Clark thrust, brushing against Lex's prostate and causing ripples of pleasure to run over Lex's skin.

"Answer your phone." Clark dropped Lex's slacks on his head; the cell phone was inside the front pocket.

He was too afraid not to obey. Too afraid of being left and ... well, at this point, it was just being left. So, with trembling hands, Lex opened his cell phone and pressed the received button. "Hello?" he said, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Lex, this is Martha. Clark was here about forty-five minutes ago and we think he's heading for Metropolis."

"Is that my parents?" Clark asked, easing slowly out of Lex.

Lex nodded, unsure of what he should say to Martha.

"Lex?"

"Mrs. Kent, I'm sure ..."

"Tell her I'm here."

He closed his eyes, every inch of his being focused on Clark's slow undulations. "Clark's here, Mrs. Kent," he said, breathless and dizzy. His stomach was tightening with each thrust, and his skin was on fire.

"Are you all right?"

Clark pressed against his prostate, causing Lex to moan deep in his throat.

"Lex?" Martha said, sounding frantic. "I'm sending Jonathan to you. He'll have a meteor and..."

"No!" Lex shouted. "Please. Don't send anyone. I'll handle him myself. I ... oh fuck," he swore as Clark began thrusting in short, sharp movements directly into his prostate. His limbs turned into jelly and he fell into the pillow.

"Uh ... Lex?"

Clark picked up his speed until he was practically a vibrating object on full speed applying pressure directly into Lex's prostate as he jerked Lex's cock.

"Mrs. Kent, please," Lex begged, practically sobbing. "Don't come over. Don't send anyone over. I'll take care of this. I ... I ..." Horror built in him as Lex felt his orgasm build in him. His stomach twisted and he started gasping. "I've got to go." Fingers shaking badly, he barely was able to disconnect when he exploded.

Lex screamed as he came, tearing into the pillow beneath him. Clark continued to massage his cock, catching his semen and spreading it over Lex's stomach.

"You are so fucking hot, Lex," Clark moaned. He slowed his thrusts back to the strong, hard pounding.

"Mmmnnng," Lex moaned, limp and sated. It was so utterly wrong what had happened. Completely and totally.

So, why did he feel so good now? That was Clark's mother.

He was so going to hell.

Clark groaned loudly, which was about when Lex realized that Clark was still fucking Lex in hard strokes, and his mind had wandered off. Not because Clark wasn't doing a fantastic job, because he was. But he was so tired. The past hour had been so draining with the emotional upheaval every few minutes and the sex...

Nails scratched down Lex's back, marking him. "Lex," Clark grunted, thrust in one last time. Then, as he clawed Lex's back, scouring it, Clark came.

Lex could feel Clark pouring into him. He twisted his head to look at Clark. Clark's head was thrown back, a look of utter ecstasy on his face. His hands gripped Lex's hips and he felt the familiar ^pull^ of the two of them rising from the floor.

And then, they fell back down. They hadn't even gone up far enough for the landing to hurt.

"Don't feel like flying today," Clark mumbled as he leaned forward. He kissed the nape of Lex's neck and lay down on his side, not withdrawing from Lex. Lex was pulled into him so their sweaty bodies were spooned together.

"What did my dear old mother have to say for herself?" Clark asked, sounding sated.

"She wanted to warn me that you'd been to see them. They thought you were going to Metropolis."

"Without you?" Clark kissed him again. "Never."

Lex stretched slightly, careful not to dislodge Clark. "Good to know." He yawned. "Did you do anything to them? Because they were supposed to call me as soon as you left."

"Plotting against me, huh?" He nipped Lex's ear. "I tossed Jonathan away from the car. He was messing the finish. Maybe we should take one of the other cars."

"Whatever you want, Clark." He yawned again and scratched his stomach.

Clark laughed. "You need a bath before we go. You can nap on the way." Very carefully, Clark pulled out and lifted Lex into his arms.

Lex barely had time to wrap his arms around Clark's neck before they were running through the hall. His stomach lurched from the sudden movement; he really hated being carried, but there was nothing he could do about it now. Besides, by the time his head really started to spin, it was over.

"Okay?" Clark asked as he sat Lex on the floor next to the bathtub.

"Fine." Lex frowned and shifted so his weight was on his hip.

Clark started the water, testing it for heat. "I've got a vague idea of how warm you like it. Feel it and tell me if it's okay."

As Clark went to the closet and began pulling bath salts and wash clothes from the various cabinets, Lex stuck his hand under the jet. The water was a bit too warm, so he turned it down.

"Why are you being so nice now?"

"I was nice all the time," Clark informed him, dropping a kiss on his head. "Everything today has been about trust. I needed to know if I could still trust you, since I obviously can't trust the people who raised me." He lifted Lex and placed him in the bath. "I'll be right back." He disappeared.

Lex sighed and leaned back. He was beginning to feel sore. Not like he was hurt, just as if he'd worked out and done too much. Every muscle ached, including his eyelids. He had no idea how he was going to get through the rest of the day. He had to get the ring off Clark. He just didn't know how.

There was a whoosh and then Clark was in the bath with him. "Open," he said, holding something to Lex's mouth.

He pulled away. "What is that?"

"Pain pill. Low strength. I took it from Damien's medicine cabinet from the bottle that said, 'Lex Luthor. Indications: muscle strain and headaches.'"

Since his muscles were already aching, and Lex knew it would only get worse, so he took the pill. "Did Damien see you?"

Clark shrugged and lay back. "He may have. He was sitting in his office when I passed him. Some papers got knocked off the desk." He ducked underneath the water a moment. "I had fun," he said when he came back up.

"When?"

"Just now. When we were having sex. It was fun."

Lex snorted softly and moved across the tub to Clark. "Fun isn't the right word," he said. He intertwined their fingers. "I love you." He kissed Clark.

Clark sighed and opened his mouth, inviting Lex in. Lex slid his tongue inside, twirling it around Clark's enticingly.

As they kissed, Lex wiggled his fingers in Clark's hands, moving them slowly up the sides of Clark's fingers. He was trying to ease the ring off without Clark noticing. Once it was off, Lex was sure Clark wouldn't do anything to put it back on; in fact, he would most likely be horrified with the way he'd been acting the past couple days. But until the ring was off ...

Clark laughed suddenly and broke the kiss. "Nice try, babe." He kissed the tip of Lex's nose and pushed him away. "The ring stays on. You need to soak a little bit more; I'm going to pack for you and get Mabel to make us some lunch. We're leaving in an hour."

Lex blinked, relieved that Clark was taking this so well. He'd been afraid Clark would hurt him if Lex tried to take the ring, but it looked like he was going to treat it like a joke.

He smiled and turned on the jets to the tub. Leaning back against one, Lex said, "Okay. Pull me out when you need me."

"Will do." Clark climbed out of the tub and kissed Lex on the forehead. Then, wrapping a towel around his waist, Clark left the bathroom.

Lex sighed and closed his eyes. Any moment now, Damien was going to come in and demand to know what was going on. Even had the papers not been knocked to the floor, Damien always seemed to know the moment a pill went missing. He was like a human drug detector or something. Not that Lex wanted to slip back into old habits and bliss out on pain meds when things got rough, but it might be nice to have the decision to take a pill when he had a headache, instead of having to ask. Damien acted like the worst thing that had ever happened was Lex learning how to work child-proof lids.

"Sir?"

"Ah, right on time, Damien." Lex yawned and rubbed his face, not bothering to open his eyes. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Was Clark in my room just now?"

"Yes."

Damien cleared his throat and shook something.

Eyelids heavy, Lex forced his eyes open. Leaning forward in his wheelchair, Damien was held out a bottle of extra-strength prescription pain medication. They were pills Lex took very rarely and only when he'd been badly injured. In fact, the last time Lex could really remember taking them was right after the Level 3 incident last year.

"Ah, fuck," Lex said. He pushed himself out of the tub, wrapping a towel around him. "He said that it wasn't that strong."

"Why do you need anything?"

Lex sighed. "Because Clark just fucked me really hard and he thought I might need something to help me from getting sore." Lex frowned. "The lying bastard. I knew I couldn't trust him right now."

Damien titled his head and looked up at Lex. "What's going on?"

He yawned and went into his bedroom. There was a safe in the closet where he kept some meteor rocks. While he got into it, he explained the situation to Damien.

"He's pretty determined to get me to Metropolis with him," he concluded as he pulled a large, lead-lined box from the safe and left the closet. "I guess he figured I'd try to fight him, so he drugged me."

"There is always something new with him," Damien observed.

Lex smiled. "Of course." He pulled a pair of slacks from the shelf and tugged them on. "I..." He was interrupted by the security phone ringing. Frowning, Lex crossed the room. "Hello?"

"Mr. Luthor, this is Andrew at the front gate. There's a federal marshal here to see you; should I sign him in?"

"A federal marshal? What does he want?"

Lex could hear some talking and then Andrew said, "He wants to talk about your visit to the Wild Coyote last night."

The what? "I wasn't at the Wild Coyote. I don't even know what it is."

There was more talking. Lex looked at Damien and jerked his head in the general direction of outside. Damien nodded, but held his hand up, telling Lex he needed to wait until he had more information.

"Sir, he says that your car was at a bar outside the county line last night. He needs to talk to you about what happened."

Oh no. What the fuck did Clark do? "Does this marshal have a warrant?"

"Uh ... no sir."

"Tell him to wait a moment. Damien is coming down to speak with him." Lex hung up and turned to Damien. "Clark was at a bar called the Wild Coyote last night, and now this marshal wants him. Find out what he knows and what he wants. Do a full background search on him and then deal with him accordingly."

Damien nodded. "Yes, sir." He backed his wheelchair up and turned, leaving the room.

Lex was beginning to feel pleasantly heavy and sleepy. It was a really big temptation to just lie down and close his eyes. In fact, he swayed a few seconds on his feet, thinking how nice it would feel to be wrapped in his sheets. But, no. He had to get the ring off Clark before Clark did something everyone regretted.

As he walked down the hall, Lex slipped the box into his pocket. It was heavy and hit against his leg, but the box itself was just small enough to fit inside. Lex could only hope at this point that Clark was alone and, if he wasn't, he wouldn't scan Lex and see the box.

He was about halfway to his office when he heard a choked cry and Clark's angry voice say, "How do you like it, old man?"

"Fuck." Forcing his lassitude aside, Lex took off for his office.

Lex tripped over Lionel's cane as he entered the office. Drugged and exhausted as he was, he fell to his knees, but quickly pushed himself up. His attention and focus was solely on the scene before him.

Clark had Lionel by the hair, his fingers knotted in it tightly. There was a look of rage on his face as he forced Lionel down on his knees.

"Clark," Lionel gritted out, obviously in a lot of pain. "Stop this and I won't hurt your ... Ahhh!"

Clark stomped his foot on Lionel's back, slamming him into the floor. "You won't what?" He laughed cruelly, face twisted into a sneer that Lionel couldn't see. "You won't hurt me? Trust me. Your days of hurting anyone are over."

"Clark!" Lex said sharply, going to them.

"Go away, Lex. Go back to your room and take a nap; you need it."

"Lex, what is he ... Ah!" Lionel cried out in pain again as Clark took his arm and twisted it.

Heat pounding wildly, Lex stepped closer to Clark. "Clark, don't. Think about what you're doing. You don't want to hurt him."

"I don't?" Clark lifted his eyes to Lex. They were midnight blue and flashing with rage. "He tried to rape me. He's kidnapped me twice. He's hurt my father and if I let him go, I'm sure he'll retaliate by hurting my family."

"He won't."

"Yes. He will."

"He won't succeed."

"Clark ..." Lionel started, but Clark twisted his arm again.

"Shut the fuck up."

But Lionel, being Lionel, didn't listen. Through gritted teeth, he ground out, "It's nice to see what sort of boy Jonathan has raised his son to be. One who picks on the blind and disabled."

Clark snorted. "Oh please. You molest teenage boys. You don't have a leg to stand on." Then, to emphasize his words, Clark stepped on Lionel's injured leg.

This time, Lex grabbed Clark's arm. "Clark, listen to me. You need to stop."

"Why?"

"Because you aren't going to kill him." He swallowed hard against a wave of drug-induced dizziness. "If you do, then we're over. Completely. Do you understand?"

A look of utter shock washed over Clark's face. "You'd choose your father over me?"

"No. I'd choose you over anyone else in the world. But I will not be involved with a murderer. I'd..." Lex broke off and shook his head. "I couldn't be bound to someone like that." He looked at Clark seriously, willing him to hear what he wasn't saying.

Clark got it. His entire face changed as it sunk in: Clark and Lex were bound for eternity. The only way Lex could ever really be free of the bond was to be dead.

Lex licked his lips, ordering himself to stay calm. Clark knew what he was saying; the question was, would Clark believe him? Lex wasn't going to kill himself, although he truthfully didn't know what he'd do if Clark killed Lionel. He only hoped that Clark wouldn't be able to feel his lie over the empathic bond. Of course, maybe it didn't matter; Lex was feeling so many things, he couldn't be certain any one emotion was reading strongly to Clark.

"You wouldn't," he said uncertainly. He pressed one hand into his chest, frowning. "You couldn't."

Lex stepped closer to him, bringing their bodies in contact. "Clark, I don't know what I'd do. But if you killed him, we would be over. You can hate Dad. You can stand up to him in any way, shape or form. But you cannot kill him. Not now. Not like this."

Lionel made a strangled noise and said, "Please, Lex. I don't need for you to argue on my behalf."

"Dad! Shut the fuck up."

Clark smirked, tension leaving his body. He leaned in close and kissed Lex. "I won't kill him," he promised. Then his face completely changed. He knelt by Lionel, twisting his hair once more. "Listen to me, old man," he hissed lifting Lionel's head and bending down until they were inches apart. "This game you've been playing with me is over. You touch me and I will hurt you so fast, that you won't even realize what happened until the bystanders are calling 911. I'm not just going to sit back and let you lay a hand on me again, got it?"

"Clark..."

"Got it?" He twisted his hand and jerked on Lionel's head.

A tear rolled out of Lionel's eye and he nodded as much as Clark allowed him. "I understand."

"Good." Clark slammed Lionel's head on the floor. Then he rose and turned to Lex. "I think we should go somewhere private." He lifted Lex into his arms and sped to the bedroom. "Tired?" he asked as he lay Lex on the bed.

"A little," Lex replied. "The pill you gave me wasn't the light strength."

Clark shook his head and stretched out next to Lex. "I was afraid you'd have second thoughts about coming with me, so I decided to make you really mellow. Is it working?"

He smiled. As he did, Lex slipped his hand inside his pocket and pulled out the box. "Yes." Then he opened the box, revealing the meteor rock.

The effect was immediate. Clark winced. Doubled over.

"Lex," he said through gritted teeth. He rolled away from Lex, falling to the floor.

Lex sat up and slid off the bed so he was next to Clark. With a shaking hand, he took the rock out and held it at Clark. "I'm sorry, Clark, but you need to be stopped."

Clark pushed Lex away from him. Heavy and sleepy, Lex fell away, catching himself on one arm.

"No! I like the ring. I like me with it!" Clark tried to rise to his feet; he shook and lurched, but he started going for the door.

Lex stood and threw himself on Clark. Weakened, Clark hit the floor and rolled onto his back. He put one hand under Lex's chin and pushed.

"Get off me!"

"No! Clark, give. Me. The. Ring!" Lex grabbed Clark's arm and pushed; Clark lost his grip and Lex, off balance from struggling, fell on him. Before Clark could do anything, Lex practically threw himself on Clark's hand and tugged at the ring.

Clark closed his hand around Lex, squeezing. With the meteor rock, it wasn't anywhere near Clark's normal strength. But Lex still couldn't get Clark's fist open.

"Open."

"No!"

"Dammit, Clark!" Lex slammed Clark's fist on the floor.

Clark grunted, but held on tighter, so Lex did it again. He heard a faint crack. "Clark, please, give me the ring." He hit Clark's hand against the floor again, and this time, the fist opened. Pinning Clark's wrist to the floor--which was hard, since Clark was still struggling--Lex forced his hand open.

"Noooo," Clark moaned, sounding incredibly weak. "Lex, please."

Lex ignored him and forced Clark's fingers flat. He only hoped that Clark didn't get a sudden surge of strength before the ring came off.

Grunting again, Clark twisted away, but Lex had the ring in his fingers now. He tugged. Without warning, Clark sat up and threw his arm. Still holding onto it, Lex was thrown head over heels.

"Clark!" he shouted as his stomach lurched.

And then, he was on his back, staring at the ceiling. It was spinning around his head rapidly, making him feel sick. Blackness clouded his vision, and Lex wasn't sure if he was going to pass out or throw up. Clark's hand was still in his, only now Clark was bending over him.

"Lex?" he said weakly.

Lex opened his mouth once, swallowed, and then tugged the ring off Clark's finger. He closed his hand around it and sat up. "Clark?"

Clark's face changed. A look of confusion crossed over his features, and he looked around him. "Oh, God. Oh, God, Lex, are you all right?"

Fist closed tightly around the ring, Lex nodded. "There's a lead box on the bed. Get it?"

Clark disappeared. A moment later, he was back, helping Lex sit up. He was sweating and shaking, still obviously sick from the green rock. "Here."

Lex dropped the ring inside, and then felt around for the meteor rock. He found it and put it in the box as well, closing it. Then he tossed the box away. "Are you okay?" he asked, cupping Clark's cheek.

His face crumpled. "I'm okay. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He stroked Clark's face. "I ... Clark, don't cry."

"You don' t ... You know what I did," Clark said, wrapping himself around Lex. "Oh, God, I raped you."

"No, Clark, you didn't." He held Clark tightly, stroking his hair. "You didn't. I consented to everything, remember? And anytime I said the safe word, you responded. It wasn't rape."

He was hyperventilating, shaking hard in Lex's arms. "Oh, God, how could I have done that? How can you forgive me?"

"Clark!" Lex pulled away. "You didn't rape me."

"I coerced you into doing it. You didn't want to, you ..."

"Trust me, if I hadn't wanted it, you would have known." He kissed Clark's cheek. "I feel guilty, too, Clark. I knew you would react like this, and still, I didn't stop you. I didn't want to stop you because I wanted you so badly. And you are such a force of nature that I let myself be swept away. Don't feel guilty, Clark."

Clark frowned and chewed on his lower lip. "Lately, at home, when I've thought about you, my fantasies kept getting ... violent." Shamed colored his cheeks and he pulled away so he was leaning against the bed, legs pulled into his chest.

Lex swallowed and forced himself not to touch Clark. He knew whatever physical comfort he tried to give right now would be rejected. "Violent how?"

A shoulder hitched. "I'd make you do stuff you didn't want to. Like make you give me a blowjob, only thrust really hard until you were gagging with tears rolling out of your eyes. I kept imagining overpowering you, and making you pleasure me, even if I knew you were scared." Wide, tear-wet eyes looked up at him. "And that's what I did."

He took a deep breath. "Clark, fantasies are private. And safe. Whatever you imagine is okay; it's in your mind, and you're allowed to have private thoughts that might not be ... socially acceptable. What happens in them doesn't get acted out. You can do things in fantasies that would disgust you in real life." Lex licked his lips. "Believe it or not, sometimes I have dreams where I'm taken forcefully. And I also imagine taking someone else. But I would never act on it. I would never force anyone to do something they didn't want to. And, normally, neither would you." Tentatively, he reached out for Clark's hand.

Clark flinched, but allowed Lex to take it.

"You've been frustrated at me lately, with good reason. So, you acted out your frustration through your fantasies. Or, at least, it manifested itself in them. And the rock acted as a release. It took away your self-restraint, making you free to show me physically how you felt." He squeezed Clark's hand. "But, even though you were angry, even though you were rough, you showed restraint and never hurt me. It wasn't rape, and it wasn't non-consensual. It was just ... rough."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Please."

"But ... oh, God. It wasn't just you. I hurt Lana." He started crying harder.

Lex stiffened. "What did you do?" he asked more sharply than he'd intended. Christ, if Clark had harmed her ... Harmed anyone, of course, but Nell would not let Clark go free if he'd hurt her niece.

"I made her go to the Wild Coyote. I was such an asshole to her. I made her feel little and small and ... just lashed out at her. I hated her for being so uncomfortable and so young, so I treated her like she was badly. I all but told her she was boring. Jessie was there and wanted to dance, so I did. But I was going to kiss her, and I was touching her, just to get back at Lana. And then I left Lana there. At the bar, so I could go have sex with Jessie."

"But you didn't physically hurt Lana."

Clark shook his head. "No. But I made her feel so badly about herself. I was so mean."

Feeling shaky and ill, and not just from the pill, Lex stroked his thumb over the back of Clark's hand. "You can fix that. That is something we can deal with. We'll come up with something. Yes, her feelings will still have been hurt, but you can make it up to her, or find a way to explain you were sick. Hell, you can even tell her it was the meteor rock if you like. Tell her you were allergic, just like other people are allergic to the green rocks."

"Maybe."

"Clark ..."

"It's just," Clark sighed and swiped at his eyes, even as more tears fell from his eyes. "I was angry at her. Like I was angry at you, I was angry at Lana, too. Mad at her for never liking me, and for being so young, and for hurting Chloe. And I was pissed off at her for agreeing to go out with me when she knew ... when she knew I was in love with you, and I was acting so differently. I just ... I don' t know. I was mad at her for being her." He looked up at Lex, chin trembling.

Lex leaned forward and wiped tears off Clark's face. "Clark, I'm sure deep down you have a lot of anger at everyone. Everyone around you acts like their typical teenage problems are the most tragic things in the world. Meanwhile, you have to deal with being from another planet, and keeping secrets, and trying to appear normal, and dealing with what happened with Dad, and missing Whitney, and being afraid someone will hurt me or your family. Then, while you're dealing with all of that, your friends are expecting you to be supportive of all their problems, when they can't support even half of yours. It's frustrating for you, and I'm not surprised your anger at Lana and others came out when your inhibitions were taken away. Now that you know they're there, you need to deal with them."

"How?"

"Let yourself be angry. You repress your feelings too much, Clark. I'm not saying take your anger out on your friends, but take it out somewhere. Write them letters like you wrote me. Burn something. Scream. Tell me about how pissed off you are. Acknowledge those feelings somehow before they consume you."

Clark sniffed. "I don't like being angry."

"I know. But you are going to be whether you like it or not." Lex sighed and pushed Clark's hair from his face. "There is nothing wrong with being angry. It's an emotion, just like love or happiness. It's just gotten a bad rap, that's all. You can be angry without hurting anyone, Clark, but if you pretend it isn't there, you'll wind up hurting yourself."

"Oh." He started crying harder.

"What is it? What else?" Lex asked, even though he was beginning to lose his grip on reality. He still knew exactly what was going on, and could react. He just felt as if he were viewing everything through cheesecloth. His body was getting heavier by the second, and the world spun very slowly.

"I had sex with Jessie."

Ah. Of course that would bother him. "I know, Clark."

"I'm sorry. I'm s-sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is. Clark, it wasn't you. Well, it was you, but I know that you wouldn't have done it had you not be under the influence of the ring. It hurts, but I'll deal."

His face crumpled. "I used her."

Lex nodded slowly. Of course that would bother him; it never would have occurred to Lex, but he wasn't surprised Clark thought of it. "Well," Lex said, "maybe. But maybe a girl who has sex with a guy on the first date was doing some using of her own. She might not be expecting too much out of you relationship wise. She might have just fooled around with you because she likes sex and she thought you were cute."

"But why would she do that?"

"Because sometimes sex isn't about love and beauty and passion. Sometimes it's about feeling good, forgetting what's going on in your life, and enjoying your body with someone else. I don't know Jessie or anything about her. I just think that before you start condemning your actions, you should talk to her."

"We were going to run away together."

"Again, that doesn't have to mean anything except she wanted to run away and you had a car. Talk to her, figure things out, and decide what you want to do from there. If you want to date her, Clark, you ..."

"Don't! Don't give me permission to do anything anymore! I don't want to hear it, I just ..." He broke off, squeezing his eyes shut.

Lex pulled away and sat back on his heels. "Okay, I won't. I'm sorry." He studied Clark for a moment, watching as he started shaking harder.

Clark shifted and pulled his knees into his chest, hiding his face.

"Clark, did you do something else?" Lex asked. He knew Clark said he hadn't been able to go back to Metropolis to see the guys he'd picked up, but had he and Jessie found other people?"

"I ... I t-told Dad," he sobbed. "Before I left, I told him." He folded into himself even more.

Lex's stomach did a quick dive and he closed his eyes. He was dizzy and sleepy from the drug, and not really equipped to deal with this. Lana and Jessie guilt he could handle; this was way beyond him right now. "Oh, Clark." He carded his fingers through Clark's hair, holding him tightly. "Angel, I'm ... I'm sorry."

Clark cried harder. "I can't go home. Not after what I did. I stole from them. I stole from you. And then I told him. He'd never ... he'll never see me the same way again. He'll hate me."

"No, he won't. He'll still love you."

"But it won't be the same. It won't ..." He broke off, shuddering.

"Clark ... Come on. Let's go to bed." Lex stood, pulling Clark with him. "I'm tired, and I think you need to sleep, too."

Clark sniffed and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. "I don't feel good. My stomach hurts. My head hurts."

"You've been high for almost two days, Clark. I'm not surprised you're crashing hard. Kind of like a hang-over."

He laughed and wiped his eyes as he climbed into bed. "Is that what I was? High?"

Lex slid in next to him and pulled Clark into his arms. "I think so. I'd have to do tests to make sure, but I don't want to let you anywhere near that rock again."

"No." Clark closed his eyes and cuddled closer to Lex. "I love you."

Lex kissed his forehead gently. "I love you too, Clark. Now sleep. We'll figure things out when we can both think, okay?"

"Okay." Clark yawned, his face relaxing.

Lex watched him for another minute, and then sleep claimed him too.

________________________________________

He was hot. Way too hot. There was sweat rolling down his forehead, and his shirt stuck to him in damp patches.

Groaning softly, Clark pulled his shirt off and tossed it away.

"Are you awake, Clark?"

Clark cracked opened his eyes and immediately winced, eyes watering. It was too bright in the room. "Lex?" He covered his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"My eyes hurt."

"Huh." The sheets rustled and Clark felt the mattress shift under him. There was a scraping sound of metal on metal, and then Lex's feet padded across the room.

"Okay," he said after a moment. "Try now."

Hesitantly, Clark opened his eyes. He winced again, but it wasn't as bad as before. The room was dim now, curtains closed and light off. He could see, but his eyes still ached and he couldn't help closing them.

Lex crossed the room to him. "Open your eyes," he said as he sat on the bed.

Clark complied. Lex leaned in close, lifting Clark's eyelid with his thumb and studying him closely. After a moment, he pulled away and handed Clark his sunglasses. "Put these on."

He did and found that he could see clearly and without any pain. "That's a lot better." He sighed and pulled a pillow up behind him so he could rest his head against it. "What's wrong with me?"

"Your eyes are light sensitive right now. Your pupils are dilated, so they're allowing too much light to enter. And that's irritating them. Keep the sunglasses on until you start feeling better." Lex ran his hand over Clark's forehead and pushed his bangs away. "You have a fever."

"I feel cold."

"That happens," Lex said, sounding patient. "That's why in movies when they show people with high temperatures, they're sometimes shivering. It's a reaction." Lex sighed. "You've been asleep for almost six hours. Damien was dousing you with water until I woke up and took over."

"When did you ..."

"About four hours ago," he answered without waiting for the question. "Usually the pills you gave me keep me out for much longer, but I have a feeling whatever it is in your semen that makes me heal fast worked the drugs through as well." Lex smiled. "I'm glad you didn't use any of the condoms I gave you as a way to punish me by withholding the healing agent."

Clark frowned miserably. "I thought about it. Not because I wanted to punish you, but because I wanted to see the evidence of me on you. But I thought you might freak out more, and I really wanted you to trust me. More than anything else."

Lex nodded. "I see." He ran his hand over Clark's head and pulled him close. Their lips met gently, and then Lex rested his forehead on Clark's. "We need to talk.

"I know," Clark whispered, tears rising to his eyes. He didn't want to cry anymore, but he felt so guilty for what he'd done, and so sick, that he couldn't help it. "Is your dad okay?" he asked.

"Yes, he is." Lex wiped a tear away with his thumb. "His leg is sore, but his physical therapist said that no further damage was done. The official story is that Dad fell down and twisted it. He's fine with that story; better than telling everyone he was beat up by a kid." Lex smiled tentatively, but Clark didn't return it.

Lex sighed. "Dad's suitably impressed by your strength. I doubt he'll be going at you physically again, unless the next time you see him, you act submissive and guilty. If you keep the same self-confidence you had with the ring, without the violence, Dad will back off."

He sniffed. "What do you mean?"

"Bullies get off on knowing that they affect their victims. And, up until today, you've been letting Dad see how much he gets to you. So don't let him see it, not in your voice, and not in any way that he can perceive you're uncomfortable. I know you aren't going to be as cocky and arrogant--or as angry--as you were with the ring, but you can pretend that he doesn't matter. It's hard. I know it is, but you have to do it or he'll be worse than before."

Clark frowned. "I don't know if I can."

"You can. I know you, Clark." Lex took his hands. "It's in you. This incident with the red meteor only proves it in my mind. Underneath your insecurity about yourself, you have some definite ideas about who you are and what you want. Which is great. You just have to tap into that when your sane." He smiled. "And I know you can because I've seen you act that way with me."

"God, I don't feel that way right now. I feel like my blood is made of Jell-O and any minute now I'm going to dissolve into a gooey puddle."

Lex made a fake grimace. "There's water on the dresser. Or would that make you even more runny?"

Clark glanced over and saw the pitcher of ice water. Rising, he went and poured himself a glass. "Didn't realize how thirsty I was," he said after he downed his first glass.

"Clark?" Lex said after a moment. "How long have you felt like I haven't been listening?"

He sighed and finished his water. "A few weeks. Not the whole time. I've been ... confused. And frustrated. And it took me awhile to separate my frustration of not being with you from my frustration that I felt as if you were completely disregarding my feelings about everything."

Brow furrowed, Lex licked his lips. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't think you would listen," Clark said, a lopsided smile on his face. "Hence the whole, 'You're not listening to me,' stance."

"Clark ..."

"Lex, please." Clark crossed the room and sat on the bed. Facing Lex, he folded his legs under him and took Lex's hands. "I was trying to figure out a way to tell you without you getting defensive and shutting down."

"Is that what you think I would do?"

"It's what I know you would do." He squeezed Lex's hands. "I know you. I know how much the idea of forever and commitment and being really tied to another person scares you. And it scares you on a level I can't do anything about. I can deal with the parts your father and other experiences with relationships have taught you. That I can soothe and fight and, eventually, wear away that fear with my commitment to you. But the part of you that is afraid of losing yourself to an alien, or of becoming so tied and intertwined with another person that you'll lose yourself, I can't fight. Not really. Not unless you understand what you're doing."

Lex licked his lips. He felt cold. "Clark, I didn't mean ... I mean, I'm not ..."

"You're afraid," Clark interrupted. "I understand."

"Where are you getting this?" He wasn't right. Clark couldn't be right about this. Lex wouldn't have ...

Clark hesitated. "Do you remember the morning after we first found out I was Kal? You freaked. You were so scared of the implications of us communicating telepathically when we were kids, and what it could mean for the future. And then I started thinking about how the break-up came hard on the heels of my forming a new type of bond with you."

He shook his head. "But I didn't know about that."

"Not at first. Not consciously. But probably a part of you knew; I know you felt me get into you. Into the sensory net ... thing. And once I brought it to your attention, I'm sure it bothered you. Maybe not on any level you understood, but I'm sure it was there." He squeezed Lex's hands. "It's okay to be afraid. I'm not hurt. I'm not angry or anything. In fact, I think I'd be afraid if I were you, but maybe I'm biologically or genetically programmed for this. You can't be programmed to become part of another person and to fear it at the same time. It'd be counterproductive. Humans aren't meant to be telepathically linked. At least, I don't think they are; you're the telepath."

Lex laughed and scrubbed at his eyes, still holding Clark's hand in his. "I wish we knew more about your species."

Clark laughed softly. "So do I." Then he sighed. "I wrote you a letter, trying to say all this, but I could never really work out the words. And then we fought. And then the ring."

"I see." Lex traced his thumbs over Clark's knuckles. "What did the letter say?"

He closed his eyes. "That I loved you, but I'm tired of playing by your rules. That you're so convinced that you're right about everything, you forget that you can't be entirely objective about us. Because you're a part of us." He opened his eyes. "That first night, I hadn't worked out in my mind that you were probably scared. Once I did, I realized that that probably had something to do with the way you've been acting."

Lex pulled his hands away and rubbed his forehead. "I didn't realize I'd been so bad."

"You haven't been that bad." Clark moved forward and unfolded his legs around Lex. "Lex, you haven't. You've just been really driven recently. And a little distant." He traced Lex's face with his knuckles. "I really hate that you're so understanding. It's like you're going for an award or something. I get angry at you, and you tell me it's okay. I wonder if I can be attracted to someone else, and you tell me that I should go for it. You ... that's not what I want from you, Lex. I want you to be jealous or hurt or angry or something. I want to know that you still love me."

"I do," Lex gasped. "I do love you, Clark. But if I don't let you be angry ... if I don't distance myself, then I'll explode. I won't have any strength to stay away from you."

Clark cradled Lex's face between his hands. "You're stronger than that, Lex. You'd survive. It's okay to feel that way. To feel that much for one person. It's how I feel for you."

Lex tried to shake his head, his face contorting slightly. "But you know how to love."

"So do you," Clark whispered as he moved in. Their lips met in a slow, sweet kiss, tongue brushing against each other tentatively, tasting. Getting reacquainted. "You know how to love, Lex."

A tear worked its way out of Lex's eyes before he closed them. "I'm afraid of being consumed."

"You won't be. You're too strong. I wouldn't have chosen you if I'd thought you'd be overwhelmed by me."

"Clark. You were five. What did you know?" Lex asked, laughing slightly.

Now, it was Clark wiping Lex's tears away. "Do you really think I would choose someone who didn't have the mental capacity to stand this connection, no matter how young I was? I had to have sensed something in you to choose you. Inner strength or a sense of destiny or something. Maybe my ship was drawn to you. There has to be a reason I landed in Smallville, Kansas, on the day you were in town. You, the only person on earth I've ever met who is a mind reader. Well. Besides Ryan."

Lex opened his eyes. "I can't help the way I feel."

"But now that you know how you feel, you can evaluate your responses better. Are you pushing us away because you really think this is what we need at this point, or because you're afraid?"

"I don't know." He pulled away and wiped the few tears that had leaked out away. "How do you feel?"

Clark sat back, propping himself up on his hands. "I think that I've gone as far as I can without you. I'm not afraid of my powers anymore. I've grown into the ones I have. I even like some of them." He smiled. "But memories ... I think I need you to really explore and see what I can remember. I don't want to lose myself again, only this time not come back."

"What do you want?"

"I want us to reconnect our minds. I think it would be better. That way, if I freaked out, you would know, and you could help guide me back home."

Lex nodded thoughtfully. "That's a good idea. My shields are down. I'll keep them down." He looked up at Clark expectantly.

Clark closed his eyes and concentrated. It was hard, and it hurt but after a few minutes, he could feel the shields lowering. "Oh, fuck," he swore, pain knifing through his head.

Lex took his hand as Clark fell back onto the pillows. "It's okay, Clark."

He whimpered, fighting the urge to grab his eyes. It felt as if someone were trying to dig his eyes out with a spoon while chopping his head open with an axe. It was too much, and tears were streaming from his eyes and he panted and strained.

Then there was a loud clang in his mind that sent reverberations through his body, making Clark groan. But, the shields were down, and for the first time in almost two months, Clark felt ... open. Free.

He opened his eyes slowly, breathing heavily.

Lex pushed Clark's hair back. "Better?"

"Did it hurt that much for you?" he asked, wheezing.

"No. But I didn't do it all at once. In fact, it took forever to get myself open." He carded his fingers into Clark's hair. _How do ..._

"Don't," Clark groaned, grabbing his head again and pain lanced through. "Not right now. Please."

"Sorry." Lex bent over and kissed Clark. "I'm sorry."

Clark ran his hands up Lex's back and rolled him over so Clark was lying on top. "It's okay. You didn't know." He kissed Lex, sucking on the now almost healed lower lip. "I'm so sorry about what I did to you."

Lex shook his head, arms resting lightly around Clark's neck. "There's nothing to forgive. You were rough, and you pushed me, but when I got too scared, you backed off. You proved to me that I can trust you utterly."

He traced Lex's face with the tip of his index fingers. "You had doubts about me. I mean, before. Not today."

"Not exactly, no. But it does occur to me occasionally that you are an alien, and you might act in unpredictable ways. And you might hurt me somehow. Now I know that even when you are unpredictable, you still won't hurt me."

Clark caressed Lex's face and down his chest. "Never," he said seriously. "You're my love. Forever. And I'm never going to let anything to happen to you." He bent down and kissed Lex again.

Lex moaned deep in his throat, back arching slightly. "I love you too, Clark," he gasped. Then, as Clark started tugging the bottoms of his pajamas off, he caught his hand. "We can't, angel."

"Why not?" Clark asked, pouting.

"Because I called your mother earlier and she wants you home as soon as possible."

Clark frowned. "Lex, I ..."

"Clark." Lex silenced him, touching his cheek lightly. "You have to face them some time. And I'll be there."

He nodded and swallowed hard. "What if ... what if he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore? What if he can't love me anymore?"

Lex smiled very softly. "Clark. You father will always love you. Trust me."

"I don't want to do this."

"I know. But he needed to know, just like you needed to tell him. It came out in a fit of anger, but you have to go talk to him now. If anything," Lex said thoughtfully, running his fingers through Clark's hair, "he's probably feeling as if he failed you, and not the other way around. He's your father, after all. It's his job to protect you."

Clark nodded. "I'm still scared."

"I know." Lex kissed him gently.

"What about us?" Clark asked after a moment, stroking down Lex's side.

"I don't know. I think ... I think you're right, and we have accomplished all that we're going to apart. But I still think that you should ..."

"Date other people?" Clark interrupted with an edge to his voice.

Lex hesitated. "Do things normal for your age. I would like you to make it to one Homecoming. Or go to a club. Or both."

"I don't want to lead anyone on."

"No. But there are ways to hang out with people from your school without leading anyone on. Tell Theresa that you've decided to go to the dance with a group of friends, but you'd like her to save you a dance. Or ask her to go with a group of your friends, and try to make it clear that, while you want to get to know her better, you don't think you want anything serious. If it doesn't work out well, just be honest with her. Except about the part where you have a boyfriend. You know what I mean."

"Yeah. I'll think about it," Clark finally sighed. He closed his eyes. "Do we have to go home now?"

"Why don't you take a shower? We'll go after."

He nodded. "Okay." Clark rolled over and kissed Lex again. "I'll be out soon."

Lex caught Clark, and held him as he kissed him deeply. "I'll be waiting."

________________________________________

Jonathan sat on Clark's bed, head cradled in his hands. He'd injured his wrist when Clark had thrown him earlier, but it was just a sprain. Nothing that Jonathan hadn't had a hundred times due to accidents and wouldn't have a hundred times more. It hurt like hell, but it would heal.

He deserved to hurt. Deserved ache in his body, every reminder that he wasn't strong enough to defend himself against his teenage son.

Wasn't strong enough to defend his teenage son.

God fucking damn it. "What did I ever do to deserve Lionel Luthor?' Jonathan muttered, nails digging into his scalp.

It had started so innocently. Jonathan had been the quarterback of the football team. Nell, the cheer captain, had been his girlfriend. One weekend she'd gone up to Metropolis University to tour the campus and the cheerleading squad. She'd gone to some parties, talked with admissions agents, and even got to practice with the squad.

And that's when fate had stepped in.

The cheerleaders practiced on the side of the field while the football team played. There had been a particularly good player on the team that year, and scouts regularly went out to watch him. The weekend Nell had been there, the Shark's coach had been out there, along with the new owner of the team, Lionel Luthor.

Later, Nell had told Jonathan that Lionel had waited until cheer practice was over for her. She'd caught his eyes during practice, but he'd given no indication of any interest, or even that he'd noticed her. But he had, and when she'd left, Lionel had been waiting for her, whisking her off to dinner and to his mansion in the city after.

He hadn't taken her for a lover right away, although Jonathan had never had any doubt that's what he'd wanted. It'd been his intention to fuck her from the start. After all, Nell had been beautiful and sexy. She'd been unlike any girl Jonathan had ever known, and somehow, even coming from the world that he did, Lionel had been drawn to her too.

Nell had introduced Jonathan and Lionel. She'd been the one to convince Jonathan to leave home after graduation.

"Lionel said that you're good enough to go pro now," she'd told him one day during the summer. They'd been in the hayloft together, alone on the farm. "You don't need to go to college."

"But there are rules and conventions," Jonathan had protested, but she'd run her hand up his bare chest and said, "Trust me. Lionel wants you."

Yes. Lionel had definitely wanted Jonathan. The only part Nell had left out, and the part Jonathan hadn't understood, was how Lionel wanted him.

To this day, he still didn't think that Lionel's interest in him had been sexual. Not really. Lionel had both women and men fawning at his feet, falling over themselves to climb into his bed. He hardly needed to pull an inexperienced kid off the farm for sexual entertainment.

Power had been Lionel's ultimate goal. Power over Jonathan, his actions, his thoughts, and his feelings. He had been fascinated by Jonathan's uprightness and morals, and had taken great pleasure twisting and manipulating him. Even as it was happening, Jonathan could see how much of a game it was to Lionel, but he'd been so overwhelmed and in awe of his sheer magnetism, Jonathan had been helpless to do anything but comply.

"I would never ask you to do anything I thought was immoral, Jonathan," Lionel had said one night. The first night he'd coerced Jonathan into giving him a blow job. "How can giving someone else pleasure be wrong?"

Jonathan had left after three months. His relationship with Nell had ended badly, but with Lionel, it was worse. Because Lionel let him go with a smile and a wink and a promise that, "I'll see you again one day."

He'd known that it wasn't over. He'd known that Lionel would come back into his life. And Lionel had, thirteen years ago, after the meteor shower.

When he'd seen Lionel on the road, Jonathan had been torn between running over him, and turning the car around and speeding the other way. But he'd had to stop; there was nothing else he could have done, not really. So he'd stopped, picked up Lex, allowed Lionel into the car, and prayed Lionel wouldn't do anything in the face of Jonathan's help.

Lionel had ignored the Kents for a week. And then, he'd shown up in Jonathan's motel room in Metropolis, waiting for him in his room when Jonathan had returned from searching for papers for Clark.

"Is the child yours?" Lionel had asked unceremoniously after Jonathan closed the door behind him.

"Yes," he'd replied, trying to stay calm. After all, he'd helped save Lionel's son; surely the man would leave him alone.

But Lionel had merely given him a tight lipped smiled and said, "Don't lie, Jonathan. I have contacts everywhere. That boy is nothing to you."

"What do you want?" he asked hoarsely.

What he'd wanted was simple: the Rosses' creamed corn plant. Why it was so important to him, he wouldn't say, but Jonathan had a feeling that the fact both Nell and he lived in the town had something to do with it. He'd been a fool to ever think Lionel would forget him. Lionel didn't forget anyone, and never let anyone go.

"Here is what will happen," Lionel had said. "You convince the Rosses to sell the plant to me. Tell them that it will be in both their and the town's best interest. My offer is generous, after all. In return, I won't have the boy taken away from you. I will pretend that I know nothing about the methods you used to adopt him."

"And you'll leave me alone?"

Lionel had smiled that shark-like smile of his. He'd stepped into Jonathan and caressed his cheek gently. "As long as it amuses me to leave you alone, I will. But if I ever decide I want you again, I'll call. And unless you want something to happen to your farm or your son, you will answer."

But when the call came, Jonathan had ignored it. Ignored it, and threatened the father in an attempt to protect the son.

So Lionel had taken his.

"Oh, God," he breathed. It was almost a prayer, except he hadn't prayed in a very long time. "I'm so sorry, Clark."

He should have known what Lionel had done. Looking back, it was obvious that something had happened. The months after he'd been taken away, Clark had changed. He'd gotten more reserved in a lot of ways. He'd drawn into himself. There had been a few times that he'd flinched when Jonathan had touched him. Jonathan had put it off to growing pains; Jonathan hadn't appreciated it when his father tried to be affectionate when he was Clark's age.

But his and Clark's relationship was different. Jonathan and his father had always been at odds with each other, especially after Jonathan hit puberty. He'd never really appreciated it when his father had tried to hug him, and his father, in turn, almost never touched him at all. Clark, however, thrived on physical affection, and always had. Jonathan should have known something was wrong when Clark had started pulling away from him.

But he hadn't. He'd failed Clark.

The stairs to the loft creaked suddenly, startling Jonathan. He looked up to find Clark, pale and sweaty, standing uncertainly on the top step. He was wearing different clothes than when he'd left. Except for the sunglasses, which he didn't take off.

"Clark." Jonathan rose from the bed, unsure of what to do.

"Dad." Clark entered slowly and stood behind the couch.

"How do you feel?"

Clark shrugged, looking down at his hands; he was still wearing the sunglasses. "Sick. My head hurts, and I feel queasy."

Jonathan frowned. "What's wrong with your eyes?"

"Hurt. The light hurts them."

"Sounds like you have a hangover."

A small smile appeared on Clark's face. "That's what Lex said, too."

"Well, I'm sure he has a lot of experience with them." Then, when Clark frowned, Jonathan put up his hand. "It was a joke, Clark. I, too, have had a lot of experience with hangovers. More than I'd like to admit."

"Oh." He licked his lower lip and shifted his weight. "Dad ... I'm really sorry about the way I acted. And the ... things I did. Are you okay?" He looked up and back down quickly.

Jonathan nodded. "Yes, I'm fine." He held up his wrist. "It's not even a bad sprain." He lowered his wrist and stood awkwardly. He really didn't know what to say or how to say it. "Uh ... where's the ring?"

Clark's cheeks colored faintly, which actually made Jonathan feel better; he was very pale and looked sick. It was unnerving to see Clark look this ill without any meteor rocks around.

"Lex has it. He's going to keep it so he can study it." Clark shrugged. "He's trying to see what the rocks are made of so maybe he can stop people from getting hurt."

"How very altruistic of him," Jonathan said dryly.

"Dad ..." Clark sighed and shook his head. "It's not like we can do anything. And I trust Lex."

"I know, Clark." He hesitated and ran his hand through his hair. "Clark, is it true?'

Clark flushed bright red and he hunched over on himself. "Forget it, Dad."

"Clark ..."

"Dad, please!" His voice was raw and hurt. "Just forget it, okay? Don't worry about it. I didn't mean what I said."

Jonathan moved across the room to him. "I know that you don't think you blame me, Clark, but those feelings had to come from somewhere. I ..."

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ... It was my fault. I'm the one who let it happen. He came in the room and I was ... I was naked and confused. Lex had just stepped out to talk to Damien and I ... God, it had taken Lex so long to get me to relax. At dinner, Lionel kept saying all these things I was so uncomfortable and Lex finally dragged me away, but I felt so awful. So sick that I couldn't ... and Lex just let me lay there for so long until I relaxed enough, and then we ... and after, when we fell asleep, someone knocked on the door and we thought it was Damien. So Lex went to talk to him and ..." Clark broke off, covering his mouth.

"Clark ..."

"Lionel came in. Walked to the bed. He was all business, like it didn't matter. He started touching me and I didn't know what to do. I was so afraid because if pushed him away too hard, he'd know I wasn't normal, and if I didn't ..." Clark's face crumpled. "Lex told me I should tell you. He said it wasn't my fault, but I still feel so guilty. I didn't mean to blame you, Dad. I ..."

"Clark," Jonathan said firmly. He crossed the room and put his hands on Clark's shoulders.

Clark bit his lip and fell silent.

"Clark, it was not your fault. It wasn't. You were scared and vulnerable and in a really tough position. I know that." He took a deep breath. "I've been there myself. He's so ... dominating. Powerful. And you're just a boy."

"But I'm strong," Clark said miserably. "I'm stronger than him."

"Physically, yes. You are much stronger than he is. But Clark, up here, you're still a sixteen year old boy." He tapped Clark's forehead. "You're used to adults treating you fairly. Or, at least, you're not used to the kinds of mental games Lionel Luthor plays. I'm still not used to them, and I'm your father." He sighed. "I should have protected you better. I shouldn't have been so arrogant to assume that I could ignore him, ignore who he was."

Clark said nothing.

Jonathan sighed again. "I wish you would have told me."

Clark shook his head. "I couldn't. I was afraid that you'd look at me differently."

"Never," Jonathan said, knowing what Clark meant. He'd had the same fears when he'd returned from Metropolis. He'd never told anyone what Lionel had made him do for fear people would stop seeing him, and see only what he'd done. "Never, Clark." He cupped Clark's cheek. "You are my son, and I love you. I will never see you as anything but the man you are."

"The man I am," Clark said a little bitterly. "The kid who just sat there."

"The young man who lived through it, who will put it behind him, and who will go on to do great things." Jonathan smiled. "All parents think their children have the best and brightest future ahead of them, and I'm no different. Not even knowing this. It just makes me even more proud of you, knowing what you've been through and how you've worked through it."

Clark sniffed again and swayed a little on his feet, like he wanted to rest his head on Jonathan but wasn't sure if he was allowed. "This is one of the reasons I ran away," he admitted softly. "Because I wasn't dealing with it very well."

Jonathan nodded. "I figured. Now that I know what happened, I can look back and see the changes in your behavior. But you seemed to have gotten a lot better since then."

"It's been better." Clark wiped his eyes under the glasses and looked up. "Chloe and Lex ... they helped. And Whitney. I, uh ... I sort of told Whitney because I wanted him to understand why I freaked out so much when he kissed me. He was really understanding."

"Well," Jonathan said a little stiffly. "I'm glad you could tell your friends."

"Lex told Chloe. I had to tell Whitney. I was afraid to tell you."

He nodded. "I understand, Clark. I do. I just wish you'd felt like you could come to me. So I didn't have to find out like this. So I didn't have to feel like I'd failed you twice."

"No. You didn't."

Jonathan smiled slightly and squeezed Clark's shoulder.

Clark bit his lip. "Did, uh, did you tell Mom?"

Jonathan shook his head. "I was too upset. And I thought we should tell her together."

Clark nodded. "Can we wait? At least until I'm feeling better? I'm not up to talking about it anymore, and she deserves ... Mom deserves to hear it when I'm calmer. Maybe it'd be easier to take."

"Clark. This isn't easy to take no matter what."

"I know, but ... but I look awful, and my eyes hurt and I'm really shaky right now. Going into this hysterically has never worked well. I'm not saying wait forever; just a few days. Please?'

Jonathan studied him a moment, then relented. It was Clark's confession to make, not his. Jonathan couldn't force him to do what he wasn't read to. "Very well. But don't wait too long."

"I won't."

"Thank you." Clark sighed. "Uh, maybe we should go inside. Mom's probably getting worried."

"Okay." Jonathan ran his hand down Clark's arm and squeezed his hand. "Are we okay?"

Clark looked uncertain. "I don't know. Are we?"

He thought about it a moment. "Well, I'm still upset that you bought all those things. And that you went behind my back to purchase the ring."

"It wasn't behind your back," Clark protested. "You told me it was my decision. I was still trying to decide when Lex offered the loan. I didn't think it sounded like a bad idea, so I took it. And as for the rest of the stuff ..." Clark sighed. "Look. Sometimes I want things that other people have. And it frustrates me that we don't make enough. That we're always worried about money. But I'm not, like, unhappy. I'm allowed to want things I'll never get, right?"

"I suppose, but ..."

"Normally, I would never go out and use your and Lex's credit cards to buy stuff like that. I live without it and, mostly, I'm fine with that. It's just, with the ring, the rational side of me disappeared and I was all ... id, I guess, is the best way to describe it. You know, ego, superego, and id? Freud?"

"I'm familiar with the concept, Clark," Jonathan said dryly.

Clark nodded. "There was no part in my brain that warned me that some things weren't a good idea. You know I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you and Mom, right?"

"I know, Clark. And I'm not angry. I just wish I could give you the things you want," he admitted. "I don't want to give up the farm or my principles, but I wish I could provide every luxury possible for my family."

"I know, Dad. But you and Mom mean more to me than a big screen TV or fancy clothes."

Jonathan smiled. "Thanks, Clark. That means a lot."

Clark beamed, the tension melting away from him. "It's how I feel."

"Well. You mean more to me than a big screen TV, too. And your safety means more to me than anything."

"I know, Dad. And I knew that too. I just ... it's been eating at me, so when my inhibitions were taken away, everything came out wrong. I know you love me, and you just want to protect me. I know you're not using me."

Jonathan put his hand on Clark's arm. "Thank you for saying that." He squeezed Clark's shoulder. "Do you think you're feeling up to some dinner? I think your mother made soup."

"I could use soup. Lex is down with her right now."

They started walking down the stairs.

"So. You and Lex ..." Jonathan trailed off, unsure of what to say. He'd been unsure of what to say since Clark and Lex had started this whole separation thing that he didn't quite understand. Finally, he shrugged and said, "Has this changed anything? I mean, when you were wearing the meteor rock?"

Clark shook his head. "The meteor didn't change anything. But it doesn't mean things haven't changed." He smiled, looking extremely pleased.

"Oh?" Jonathan said guardedly. He'd gotten used to their relationship, even supported it somewhat, but Jonathan couldn't help the part of him that wished they would break up for good and Clark would find a nice girl to settle down with. "For the better?"

He looked up then, a flush on his cheeks and grin tugging at his lips. Jonathan felt like a cad forever wishing for anything else for Clark; he was so damn happy.

"Oh, yeah, Dad," Clark said, glowing. "For the best."


End file.
